


Like The Wings of Bats and Butterflies

by kasunn



Category: GOT7
Genre: Actor! Jinyoung, CEO! Jaebum, Cheating, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Lots of Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Minor Character Death, Misunderstandings, kinda? I'm not sure how to tag that, then angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-05 11:25:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14043231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kasunn/pseuds/kasunn
Summary: “Looks like Im Jaebum actually agreed to be on Vogue Korea. I didn’t think he would since he’s been really busy with that new deal, recently,” Jackson comments as he scrolls through his phone at a light. Jinyoung frowns, his face screwing up at the sound of ‘Im Jaebum’. Jackson laughs at him. “Oh, right. I forgot you’ve got some sort of beef with him and your face goes all sour whenever anyone mentions him. You’ve never told me why, by the way.”Jinyoung shrugs, looking out the window. “There’s no beef. He’s rude and entitled. That’s all I need to know,” he says, making Jackson raise an eyebrow.“I’ve met him a couple times when he was on business in America. He seems pretty cool. Really laid back for one of the richest men in the world. Seems a little lonely, but I guess he’s always gotta watch out for those gold diggers, right?” Jackson says, shrugging. “Maybe if you hung out with him for a few hours, you’d like him.”Jinyoung ignores him, trying not to think about Im Jaebum of all people.





	1. Positive Feedback Loop

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is going to be a ride, so don't say I didn't warn you, heh. I really hope you enjoy :D 
> 
> It might be a lil confusing, but I promise that explanation will come! (Also there's like a mild Legally Blonde spoiler. It's not major, but just warning. If you haven't watched Legally Blonde by now though pls watch it. It's great)

Jinyoung sees a trail of dark red, rose petals lining the ground as he walks into the house and smiles to himself, wondering what the occasion is. They’re a little scattered around like whoever laid them out had a bit of trouble doing so and Jinyoung figures that Jaebum must’ve done it himself. 

 

_ How cheesy _ .

 

“Jaebum, I’m home!” He says, stepping out of his shoes and following the petals to the kitchen where he hears some clanging. Jinyoung peeks around the corner and sees Jaebum standing in a frilly, white apron, looking a bit ridiculous. He’s humming under his breath and dancing to some music playing from his phone. 

 

“What’re you doing?” Jinyoung snickers, covering his mouth with a hand. Jaebum glances up, a guilty look on his face as he lays his eyes on Jinyoung.

 

“Hi, baby,” Jaebum says, flashing Jinyoung a sweet smile. “I’m making dinner.” Jinyoung shuffles over and kisses him on the cheek, leaning on the counter next to where Jaebum has started chopping some vegetables. 

 

“Want some help?” Jinyoung asks, rolling up the sleeves of his button-up. Jaebum shakes his head.

 

“I’m almost done. You can go wash up or hang out at the table,” Jaebum says. He kisses the tip of Jinyoung’s nose and Jinyoung finds himself wondering if he’s forgetting some sort of anniversary of theirs. He runs through all the dates in his head and sits at the dining table, putting his head on the glass surface.

 

“Hey, hyung, did I forget-- is it some special occasion today?” Jinyoung asks, turning towards Jaebum. Jaebum hums, shaking his head and taking off the apron. 

 

“Nope, I just felt like doing something different today since I got off early,” Jaebum says, bringing some soup-- spicy tofu jjigae-- and bulgogi and rice over. After transporting a couple more dishes to the table, Jaebum sits down next to him and smiles. Jinyoung licks his lips at the spread. Jaebum really went all out, making all of their favorite foods.

 

“Eat up, Jinyoung-ah,” Jaebum says, putting some meat into Jinyoung’s rice bowl and then serving some to himself. Jinyoung does as told, chewing thoughtfully.

 

“This is really good, hyung! You should cook more often,” Jinyoung teases. 

 

Im Jaebum is known by most as one of the richest men in South Korea and is definitely the holder of the title for the youngest at a mere twenty-four years old. Most only know the business side of Jaebum and can only speculate about his personal life. Jaebum’s been nominated as SK’s top sexiest bachelor several times, much to Jinyoung’s amusement, and also does some side work modelling. To say he’s  _ busy _ is an understatement which Jinyoung may or may not tease him about endlessly since all household stuff usually falls to him. 

 

Not that he minds. Jinyoung is still in school as a theater major taking a couple acting classes on the side and he doesn’t do nearly as much as Jaebum in a day. He’s pretty content dating Jaebum as a sort of behind the scenes person, also, since Jaebum doesn’t need that whole scandal on his hands on top of everything else.

 

“I would if I could, babe,” Jaebum says, taking one of Jinyoung’s hands. “I would do it for the rest of our lives.”

 

Jinyoung gulps at the wording. It’s not like they haven’t talked about marriage before, but there’s a distinct tone to Jaebum’s voice that he can’t quite place.

 

“Hmm, really? Can I quote you on that?” Jinyoung asks, laughing. Jaebum gets out of his chair, then, and Jinyoung’s breath catches in his throat as Jaebum goes down on one knee.

 

“Park Jinyoung,” Jaebum starts, looking at Jinyoung with wide eyes as if he can’t believe Jinyoung is actually even there right now. 

 

“I have loved you since high school when we first met in that stupid, tiny theater where you sang like the heavens were carrying you and took my heart,” Jaebum says. “I think we both kind of know where this is going and I prepared this really long ass speech, but I’m kind of impatient, as you know.”

 

Jinyoung laughs, wetly, and nods, barely able to process coherent thoughts. Is Jaebum really doing what he thinks he’s doing? 

 

“I love you so much,” Jaebum goes on, smiling lopsidedly at him. “And I think-- no, I’m positive that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want wake up next to you everyday and I know it’s not legal here but…” Jaebum takes a deep breath and meets Jinyoung’s eyes, taking one of his hands and squeezing it, softly.

 

“Park Jinyoung— Jinyoung-ah, will you do me the honor of becoming my husband?” Jaebum asks, reaching in his pocket and pulling a black, velvet box. He pops it open and a gleaming, silver band winks at him. 

 

Even though Jinyoung knew where it was going, he’s still surprised by Jaebum’s words, tears springing into his eyes. He meets Jaebum’s eyes, shocked to see an almost desperate sort of pleading within them. Im Jaebum rarely has to ask for anything-- rarely actually  _ does _ ask for anything. He works hard to do everything he can for himself, by himself. So now that he’s asking Jinyoung for this one thing-- the one thing that Jinyoung, solely, will be able to give him-- Jinyoung’s heart soars in his chest. 

 

“Of course, Jaebummie,” Jinyoung says, sliding to the ground to join Jaebum. He cups his face and pulls him in for a short, sweet kiss like the first one they shared, except this time it’s full of more love than Jinyoung was capable of processing back then. Oh, how the years have passed. 

 

Jaebum’s eyes are wet and Jinyoung’s sure he matches perfectly. He puts out his left hand and Jaebum stares at it, blankly, before realizing what Jinyoung is doing. 

 

“Oh, right,” he mumbles, fumbling with the ring and sliding it onto Jinyoung’s finger with only a bit of difficulty. “I love you, Park Jinyoung.”

 

Jinyoung laughs, looping his arms around Jaebum’s shoulders and playing with the short cropped hair at the base of his neck. “You’re such a nerd, Im Jaebum. I love you, too.”

 

Jaebum beams, happier than Jinyoung can recall him being in the past months. “But I’m your nerd. Forever and ever, now, Jinyoung-ah.”

 

Jinyoung hugs him close, basking in the warmth and comfort Jaebum’s arms provide. He can’t quite wrap his head around getting to have  _ this  _ forever, but he imagines it can’t get much better than right there in that moment. 

 

***

**Seven Years Later**

 

Jinyoung slumps on the couch next to Mark, putting his head on Mark’s shoulder. Mark ignores him and continues to type away at his newest work on his laptop.

 

“Mark-hyung, what should I do?” Jinyoung sighs, kicking his feet up into Jackson’s lap. Jackson laughs at Jinyoung’s misery and Mark looks between them with an amused look.

 

“You’re so dramatic, Jinyoungie. It’s just an audition,” Mark says. “Though I guess it makes sense that you’re so dramatic since it's literally your job.”

 

Jinyoung scoffs, pushing Mark away and sitting on the floor between Jackson and Mark’s feet. 

 

“But Youngjae--”

 

“Don’t base your decision off of Youngjae, Jinyoung. We both know it’s bullshit,” Jackson says, grinning down at Jinyoung. “Youngjae would want you to accept the role, so at least there’ll be a decent actor in the spot.”

 

Jinyoung purses his lips, twirling his phone around on the floor. He and Choi Youngjae have been dating for about three years-- in the public eye-- and this new, supposedly hit, movie directed by legendary, film director, Kim Taehyung, needs a lead. Youngjae was offered the part, but he turned it down, so now Taehyung has offered Jinyoung the part because he really wanted an actual Korean actor to play the part. 

 

“Well, I’m busy with that other--”

 

“ _ Jinyoung _ ,” Mark sighs, closing his laptop. “Stop making excuses and go to the audition. It’ll be just fine, okay? It’s not like trying it out will hurt anyone.”

 

Jinyoung chews on his lip and stares at the black screen of his phone. He turns it on, seeing that if he wants to make the audition time, he should probably leave now. 

 

“Alright, I’ll do it,” Jinyoung decides. “Jackson, can you--”

 

“Yep,” Jackson says, already up on his feet. He grabs his car keys from the counter and adds, “You better get the part, so you can spend the night at Youngjae’s and I can spend the night at your place with Mark.”

 

Jinyoung wrinkles his nose at the thought of what Jackson and Mark would be doing alone in he and Mark’s shared apartment. Jackson just winks at him and Mark mutters something about how they should hurry up.

 

“Bossy, bossy,” Jackson says as Jinyoung locks the door behind him and walks to where Jackson’s car is parked. Jackson is the only one out of the three of them that has a car and, hypothetically, Jinyoung could take public transportation, but sometimes it’s a little difficult when he’s in a rush and twenty different people are clambering for an autograph or selca. Plus, even after living in America for almost five years now, he’s got a slight phobia of its transportation system because some of it is sketchy as fuck. It’s not as bad in Los Angeles as other places, though, so he supposes he can’t complain. 

 

“Kim Studios, right?” Jackson asks, starting up the car and turning out of the parking lot. Jinyoung nods, trusting that Jackson knows where it is. He  _ should  _ know where it is since he decided to take a tour of every single studio that he could last year for some unknown reason. It’s what happens when you’ve got a lot of time on your hands and not much to do. 

 

Like Jinyoung, Jackson is an actor, but he is more of a fan of being out and about which is probably why he doesn’t mind being Jinyoung and Mark’s personal chauffeur. Mark and Jinyoung had met a few years ago at some fashion event where the both of them were bored out of their minds. They instantly clicked and eventually ended up rooming together since neither of them are home very much with Mark being a model and Jinyoung being an actor and the life was quite a lonely one without some friends. 

 

Jackson came a bit later when Mark had been visiting Jinyoung at one of his sets. Before Jackson had accidentally spilled coffee all over Mark and, therefore gotten to know him a little better, Jinyoung had thought Jackson was too loud. Needless to say, Mark hadn’t minded very much on either account and Jinyoung often went to go stay at Youngjae’s apartment-- not that he really minded all that much-- because Markson had sexiled him. 

 

“Looks like Im Jaebum actually agreed to be on  _ Vogue Korea _ . I didn’t think he would since he’s been really busy with that new deal, recently,” Jackson comments as he scrolls through his phone at a light. Jinyoung frowns, his face screwing up at the sound of ‘Im Jaebum’. Jackson laughs at him. “Oh, right. I forgot you’ve got some sort of beef with him and your face goes all sour whenever anyone mentions him. You’ve never told me why, by the way.”

 

Jinyoung shrugs, looking out the window. “There’s no  _ beef _ . He’s rude and entitled. That’s all I need to know,” he says, making Jackson raise an eyebrow. 

 

“I’ve met him a couple times when he was on business in America. He seems pretty cool. Really laid back for one of the richest men in the world. Seems a little lonely, but I guess he’s always gotta watch out for those gold diggers, right?” Jackson says, shrugging. “Maybe if you hung out with him for a few hours, you’d like him.” 

 

Jinyoung ignores him, trying not to think about  _ Im Jaebum _ of all people and reaching into his bag for the script he’d been mailed to go over the lines.

 

***

 

“I’d say that went pretty well,” Jackson says about thirty minutes later when they’re walking out of the studio. Jinyoung chuckles.

 

“I didn’t have to do anything, Jackson. They just gave me the role. I’m not sure if I’m glad or upset,” Jinyoung says, texting Youngjae the good news. 

 

“This means you’re going to Youngjae’s, right?” Jackson asks, perking up like a puppy that’s been offered a treat. Jinyoung rolls his eyes and unlocks his phone to see Youngjae’s reply. 

 

_ >> wow that’s great hyung! You’ll do so well! _

_ >> my place tonight? I wanna congratulate in person _

_ >> and I have something important to say also _

 

Jinyoung finds himself smiling at the string of texts and nods to Jackson. “Yep, Youngjae told me to go over for dinner. I don’t see me coming back, so the apartment’s all yours. Just don’t have sex in the kitchen again, please,” Jinyoung begs, giving Jackson a hard stare. Jackson beams at him. 

 

“Who said we were having sex? Mark’s got a shoot tomorrow and I won’t be able to leave any marks, so that won’t be any fun. Probably.” Jinyoung raises an eyebrow and Jackson huffs. “ _ Seriously _ , we’re going to watch a movie and cuddle a bit. I will most likely not be getting laid.”

 

Jinyoung hums, unconvinced, and texts Youngjae back, ignoring Jackson’s whining in the background.

 

_ << Alright. I’ll see you at 6:30? _

 

_ >> see you later, hyung! _

 

“Something important to tell you?” Jackson asks, peering over Jinyoung’s shoulder. Jinyoung pushes him away, gently.

 

“Watch where you’re going on the road, Jackson. I don’t want to die by your hand today,” Jinyoung says, making Jackson turn back to the road.

 

“Okay, but I’m just saying that it sounds like he’s going to pop the question,” Jackson says. Jinyoung feels tempted to ask what  _ the question _ is, but he’s afraid he already knows. He’s known this day would come for a while but never really prepared himself for it.

 

“You’re reading too much into it,” Jinyoung says, dismissively. “He’s probably going to tell me about a new milestone Coco hit or that he adopted another dog.”

 

Jackson shakes his head. “I don’t know, Jinyoungie. Sounds different this time.”

 

“It’s a  _ text _ , Jackson. You can’t hear him anyway,” Jinyoung scoffs. 

 

Jackson shrugs. “Whatever you say, man. Just prepare yourself.” They come to a stop and Jinyoung realizes they’re already home. 

 

“Thanks, Jacks,” Jinyoung says as Jackson follows him back into the building. Mark is still right where they left him, typing away at his computer, and Jackson presses a sweet kiss to his cheek. 

 

“Hi,  _ baobei _ ,” Jackson says, squishing next to Mark and holding onto his arm despite the entire couch being pretty large. Mark doesn’t seem to notice, too immersed in his writing, and Jinyoung rolls his eyes, heating something up for the two of them to eat since he’s sure Mark hasn’t fed himself and he and Jackson didn’t grab anything when they were out. 

 

“Mark-hyung, come eat,” Jinyoung calls, setting a plate of leftover chicken and rice on the table. Jackson, followed by Mark, shuffle over, starting in quickly.

 

“What about you?” Mark asks, eyeing Jinyoung sitting with only a cup of tea across from him. Jinyoung smiles, sipping his tea, slowly.

 

“I’m eating dinner with Youngjae, but I figured neither of you would feed yourself if I left you alone. What would you do without me?” Jinyoung preens. 

 

Mark snickers. “I’m sure we’d have been just fine but thanks, Jinyoungie.”

 

Jinyoung rolls his eyes because  _ of course they would’ve _ , and walks out of the kitchen to shower and redress for his date with Youngjae. Jackson’s words from earlier come back to him and Jinyoung briefly wonders if he should dress up a bit more. He shrugs. Jinyoung hadn’t dressed up for the first time he got proposed to and he survived. The thought sends a tiny ache through his chest, but he figures that if Youngjae really does propose tonight, he can survive having been dressed in a T-shirt and jeans for his second proposal. 

 

“Bye, hyungs. I’m leaving now! Don’t have sex in my room or any of the places I might have to sit or eat later,” Jinyoung says, poking his head into the kitchen where Jackson and Mark have apparently already forgotten about him considering they’re making out passionately against the fridge. 

 

“You’re going dressed in  _ that _ ?” Jackson asks, raising an unimpressed eyebrow. “Didn’t I say to prepare as if he was proposing?”

 

Jinyoung shrugs, biting back a smile. “It’s better to act natural, or didn’t you know, Jackson?”

 

“Love is, like, forever. This is no time to economize, Jinyoung,” Jackson whines. Jinyoung raises an unamused eyebrow at him. He knows how untrue that line is, but there’s also a more pressing matter at hand.

 

“Jackson Wang, did you just quote  _ Legally Blonde _ at me? You know that at the end of that song she got her heart broken, right?” Jinyoung points out. Jackson pouts, waving his hand.

 

“Technicalities.” 

 

“You look fine, Jinyoungie. Tell Youngjae I say hi and if he hurts you, I’ll rip his balls off,” Mark says, cheerily before pulling Jackson back into a kiss. Jinyoung chuckles, grabbing his bag from a chair near the door and starting off towards Youngjae’s.

 

It’s only a ten minute walk or so and Jinyoung often questioned why he and Youngjae didn’t just move in together, but he figured that living with Mark would be nice now if he’ll get to live with Youngjae the rest of his life later. Jinyoung remembers having a similar yet different vein of thought almost a decade ago, but quickly tosses the it away. 

 

“Hyung!” Youngjae greets at the door, kissing Jinyoung’s cheek. Jinyoung smiles, hugging Youngjae and pressing a kiss to his lips. Youngjae hums, happily.

 

“Hi, Youngjae-ah. I missed you,” Jinyoung says, ruffling Youngjae’s hair affectionately. Youngjae kisses him again and leads him to the table where’s he’s got everything set up very romantically with candles providing a soft ambiance. 

 

“Wow, this is so nice. What’s the occasion?” Jinyoung whistles, blushing lightly when Youngjae goes to pull out his chair for him. Jinyoung sits and Youngjae quickly gets into the seat across from him.

 

“It’s because we’re celebrating, Jinyoung-hyung. You got the part which we knew was going to happen but still,” Youngjae says, leaning forward with a wide smile. Jinyoung can’t help but match it before digging into his food. 

 

The food is good, but Jinyoung is still on edge for most of it because he’s stressing about what Jackson said. He’s pretty sure Youngjae isn’t all that spontaneous of a person and they’ve never even talked about getting married before since they’re both fairly public figures, but Jinyoung supposes it’s not a bad thought. He just doesn’t understand why he’s so anxious if it’s not a bad thing. 

 

(He kind of does, but he chooses not to dwell too hard on it.)

 

“Um, hyung?” Youngjae asks after riding Jinyoung into the mattress. He’s panting slightly from the hard work he’s just done but floating on the high and laying on his side, so he can see Jinyoung. Jinyoung smiles, propping his head up.

 

“Hmm?” Jinyoung asks, ready to fall asleep. Youngjae takes a deep breath, sighing out with a dopey grin.

 

“Have you ever thought about getting married?” Youngjae asks, glancing at Jinyoung expectantly. Jinyoung freezes, the smile almost sliding off his face before he rights it.

 

“Of course, Youngjae-ah,” Jinyoung says, not untruthfully. He’s thought about marriage quite a lot. Hell, he’s  _ been _ married, but Youngjae’s not asking about any of that. He doesn’t even know about it and Jinyoung knows he’s a bad person for not telling Youngjae. Regardless, Jinyoung knows that Youngjae’s asking if Jinyoung has ever considered being married to  _ him _ . 

 

“If I asked, then,” Youngjae starts, licking his lips, “would you marry me?”

 

Jinyoung sits up, looking down at Youngjae and smirking. “What? Are you saying you wanna be bonded to me for life, Youngjae-ah?” Jinyoung teases.

 

“Stop teasing me, hyung. I’m serious,” Youngjae says, fixing Jinyoung with a cute glare. Jinyoung sighs, laying back down.

 

“I would, Youngjae. I would because I love you.” The words feel wrong somehow, but Jinyoung knows they’re true. Youngjae worries at his lip a bit more and Jinyoung watches in vague amusement.

 

“Well?” Jinyoung pries, poking Youngjae in the side. Youngjae beams, though it’s tinged with a bit of shock.

 

“Oh, right! U-um--” Youngjae starts to fumble around in the drawer next to him, accidently pulling out a bunch of foil packages and dumping them on the floor. Jinyoung stifles a laugh in his hand.

 

“You were storing the ring in your condom box? What if I’d gone in there?” Jinyoung asks, raising an eyebrow. Youngjae reddens.

 

“I put it there earlier today, so I wouldn’t forget. I figured if you found it then I’d just propose then,” Youngjae mumbles, slipping off the bed. He gets down on one knee and Jinyoung can’t help but think he looks a tiny bit ridiculous, naked and kneeling.

 

“P-Park Jinyoung, will-- will you please marry me? I know I’m not that great and you can accomplish so many great things without me, but I want to be there when you do those things so...please,” Youngjae says, holding the ring box out in front of him like an offering. Jinyoung laughs, gleefully and hugs Youngjae in his arms. 

 

“Yes, Youngjae.  _ Yes. _ Of course. You don’t have to beg me to marry you, darling,” Jinyoung says, kissing the tip of Youngjae’s nose. A sinking feeling of dread fills Jinyoung as they lay down to go to sleep that night with a new yet familiar weight sitting on his ring finger.

 

***

 

Jinyoung books a flight to South Korea first thing the next morning, kissing Youngjae goodbye and telling him he’d be back in a few days. Taehyung hadn’t said when he wanted to start filming anyways. Youngjae rolls over in his sleep, murmuring something that sounded like a goodbye and Jinyoung’s heart filled with fondness. 

 

“Hi, hyungs. I’m going home for a bit, so don’t wreck the place while I’m gone,” Jinyoung calls, beelining to his room to pack a suitcase full of clothing-- comfortable things, since he doesn’t expect to do or see much-- and any other necessities like chargers and divorce papers and extra shampoo. 

 

“Home? Like South Korea home?” Mark asks, strolling into Jinyoung’s room and raising an eyebrow at the mess Jinyoung has made in his haste to pack. “I take it that things didn’t go well with Youngjae? Do you need me to hurt him? Because I could totally... ask Jacks to.”

 

Jinyoung shakes his head, an amused smile tilting his lips up. “Everything went fine. Youngjae proposed and I’m really happy because I love him,” Jinyoung says, punctuating his last two words with aggressively zipping of his suitcase shut.

 

“Then why are you going home?” Mark asks, cocking his head and yawning. “And how long because it’ll be lonely without you.”

 

Jinyoung rolls his eyes, but he’s touched at the sentiment. “I have to take care of some business there because someone’s being very stubborn. Don’t worry about it, though. I’ll be back in, like, three days. A week at most. Maybe he’ll actually agree to come back with me, this time.” Jinyoung mutters the last bit to himself. He glances at Mark and forces a smile.

 

“You’ll have Jackson,” Jinyoung finishes, picking up his bag and starting for the door. “Now, I’ll be going since I stupidly scheduled my flight for eleven in the morning and am running a bit behind.”

 

Mark nods, still looking a little lost and a lot sleepy. “Okay. Bye, Jinyoungie. Text me when you get there. I’ll miss you and I’m sure Jackson will, too. Do you want him to give you a ride?”

 

Jinyoung shakes his head, slipping a face mask and some sunglasses on. “No, I’ll just call a car but thanks. I’ll text you later, hyung.”

 

The process to get out of the country is a long one and despite Jinyoung’s (weak) attempt to conceal his identity, lots of people still recognize him and ask to take pictures which are a welcome distraction to what’s awaiting Jinyoung back home. He just hopes that they don’t spread news of where he’s going, so he doesn’t have to deal with people when he touches down. Actually, Jinyoung’s not even sure if he’s all that big of a deal in Seoul, so he decides not to stress about it too much. 

 

Instead he stresses about the plane ride there. Jinyoung, though he has to travel quite a bit for work, hates airplanes. There’s just something about the stuffiness and fact that you’re just trusting a mechanized, metal box to get you across the ocean that really does him in. Briefly, Jinyoung remembers that the last time he’d flown to South Korea, he’d had someone to hold his hand and ground him on the way there. He dismisses the thought as quickly as it comes, pulling out a book he’d packed to distract him and starting to read. 

 

“Jinyoung-ah!”

 

“Jinyoung-wangja!”

 

A barrage of screaming fills his senses as he steps off the plane, sunglasses and mask already in place though they hadn’t done much to prevent people from recognizing him earlier. He mentally curses whoever posted that he’d be going to Seoul online and quickly makes his way to the baggage claim, high-tailing it out of there. 

 

Jinyoung calls a driver, barely remembering the number after so many years gone, but he’s treated with the same, utmost respect that he’d become acclimated to over seven years ago. Only when he asks him to take him to a hotel does Jinyoung get some slight resistance.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to visit Jaebum-ssi first? I’m sure he’d be very happy to see you,” the driver asks, meeting Jinyoung’s eyes in the rearview mirror. This particular driver, Kim Hakyeon, had been one of the few people in the country that knew about Jaebum and Jinyoung’s… relationship, if only because they called him often enough for Jinyoung to consider Hakyeon his personal driver. Jinyoung shakes his head, gripping the strap of his backpack tighter.

 

“I’ll be seeing him tomorrow, but I’m sure he’s tired today. He’s probably already sleeping and I don’t want to disturb him. Thank you, Hakyeon-ssi,” Jinyoung says, a kind smile on his face. Hakyeon nods, asking for the name of the hotel and pulling away from the airport. For not the first time since leaving L.A., Jinyoung wonders if he’s making a big mistake.

 

***

 

The hotel is brightly lit and tastefully decorated, a narrow entryway opening up into a grand lobby, tinged with gold. Jinyoung notices a Christmas tree in the corner and realizes that it’s only about a week away from Christmas. Something else rings in the back of his mind-- a birthday coming up--, but Jinyoung forces it down, approaching the desk with a smile. 

 

Jinyoung’s not usually one to use his name and title to get around, but he’s tired and handing over his ID and pulling off his sunglasses does him wonders, the receptionist quickly setting up a room for him on the tenth floor. Jinyoung nods, grateful, as she hands over the keycard and heads up, ready to collapse into bed. Travelling always did take a lot out of him and he hasn’t been on such a long flight in a while, so when Jinyoung slumps onto the soft bed and falls asleep immediately, he’s hardly surprised. 

 

The cold, overcast light of a Seoul morning is what greets Jinyoung when he wakes up, a crick in his neck from sleeping in such an awkward position. He has to admit that it’s been the best sleep he’s gotten in a while and he wonders if it’s because of where he is, back in the city he’d called home for just over six years. Jinyoung chalks it up to missing the place-- even if this isn’t really  _ home _ , not anymore-- and sets off to take a shower and change because planes are nasty.

 

After about an hour, Jinyoung’s decked out in a warm coat and his face mask-sunglasses duo, ready to take on the city. He slings his backpack over his shoulder, checking to make sure everything he’ll need for the day is in there, and goes about his first order of business: breakfast. 

 

He’s not really sure if the hotel serves breakfast in the morning, but Jinyoung doesn’t stick around to check, nodding at the kind receptionist who waves goodbye and a safe return to him. Jinyoung steps into the chilly air and is glad he at least remembered how cold Seoul could be in the mornings. He checks the cross streets and vaguely recognizes them, starting off towards a small bakery he’s pretty sure is still nearby. 

 

The sweet scent of cake and pasty greets Jinyoung as he steps into the shop. He’s enveloped by the warm sensation as soon as he steps in past the doorway and regrets not coming back to Seoul earlier because this bakery had been one of his only solaces when Jaebum was out on business.

 

“Is that Park Jinyoung?” Jinyoung hears, prepared to walk out of the shop before he recognizes the voice. 

 

“Jimin,” Jinyoung says, a smile creeping onto his face. Said boy is struggling to take off his apron and Jinyoung watches with amusement as all of the flour he’d probably been trying to keep off his clothes gets dusted into his hair and onto his shirt.

 

“Hi, hyung! It’s been a while,” Jimin says, immediately tackling Jinyoung in a hug. “Why didn’t you tell me you were gonna go off and become famous? And that you weren’t coming home?”

 

Jinyoung chuckles, shaking his head. “I left pretty suddenly, huh,” Jinyoung says, shrugging. “Becoming famous wasn’t really part of the plan, but it does have its perks.”

 

Jimin beams at him, starting to chatter about all that he’s missed like it hasn’t been five years since Jinyoung last saw his friend and Jinyoung sees a familiar figure step out from behind the kitchen door.

 

“Jimin-ah, who’re you bothering this time? Some people just wanna get their food and leave,” Yoongi chides, eyes flicking to Jinyoung.

 

“Oh, Jinyoung, you’re back,” Yoongi says, nodding in Jinyoung’s direction before turning back to glare at Jimin.

 

“It’s Jinyoung, Yoongi! We haven’t seen him anywhere but magazines for years,” Jimin says, excitedly. Yoongi sighs, taking off his apron-- like a normal person and not spilling a bunch of flour all over himself-- and going to ruffle Jinyoung’s hair.

 

“Where’ve you been, brat? We’ve missed you,” Yoongi says, gruffly. Jinyoung shrugs, smiling at the casual ‘we’ that Yoongi used. 

 

“I moved to America, but I had to come back, so I decided to stop by,” Jinyoung says, blatantly being vague.

 

“But Jaebum-hyung--”

 

“Jimin-ah,” Yoongi says, interrupting Jimin’s sentence. Jimin looks between Yoongi and Jinyoung and seems to see the way Jinyoung cringes at Jaebum’s name, the sudden awkwardness in the space between them. 

 

“Oh, nevermind. Hyung, do you want some crepes? We came out with some new ones a couple weeks ago and I think you’d like them,” Jimin says, cheerily and the tense atmosphere vanishes as Jimin drags Jinyoung into the back to watch him make crepes.

 

“Babe, can you watch the front?” Jimin calls to Yoongi. Yoongi grunts something like “Why won’t you call me ‘hyung’?” in reply but obediently goes the register and Jimin smiles, softly.

 

Jinyoung watches in quiet enjoyment. “I see things have been going well between the two of you in the years I’ve been gone,” Jinyoung comments as Jimin starts to pour the batter on the hot plate. Jimin jerks in surprise, ruining the circular shape he’d had going, and glares at Jinyoung.

 

“Hyung, you made me mess up. You’re still going to have to eat it, you know,” Jimin grumbles, turning red under the fluorescent lights. 

 

Jinyoung snickers. “Mhm, right. So you and Yoongi? Last I heard, you were busy pining after him and now he’s ‘babe’?” Jinyoung teases. Jimin shrugs.

 

“We were at one of Jaebu-- We were at a party and things just led to another and suddenly I’m in Yoongi-hyung’s apartment and it was really nice, Jinyoung-hyung,” Jimin rambles, eyes crinkling. “He asked me out and he’s such a softy, I’m--”

 

“Stop talking about me,” Jinyoung hears Yoongi call from his spot at the register and Jimin laughs.

 

“Anyways, he joined me here a little after that because he wanted to be close to me or something. It’s been pretty busy here, lately, because we were featured in one of those restaurant magazines as “The Best in Seoul”. Some people probably saw you come in, too, so thanks for the extra customers, hyung,” Jimin says, smiling. Jinyoung’s proud of Jimin and Yoongi and tells him so.

 

“Yeah, yeah. How about you? I follow you on social media and I see you’ve replaced me,” Jimin says, jokingly. 

 

Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “Mark-hyung is pretty cool. I live with him and he lives with his boyfriend, so we’re all pretty close,” Jinyoung says, sighing. He wonders what Jackson and Mark are up to and remembers that he promised to text Mark as soon as he landed. Oops. 

 

Jinyoung pulls his phone out of his pocket and winces at the amount of texts Mark’s sent him.

 

_ >> Have you landed yet? _

 

_ >> Jinyoung _

 

_ >> Hello??? _

_ >> I swear if you died in a plane crash _

_ >> Jackson’s getting your room _

 

_ >> Jinyoung c’mon it’s been five hours since you were supposed to land _

 

_ >> are you even awake _

 

_ >> I’m coming to Korea if you don’t answer in five minutes _

 

The last message was sent about ten minutes ago and Jinyoung hopes Mark didn’t actually book a flight to Seoul, but he’s sure Mark would actually do it. He decides to call Mark, hoping he’s not interrupting anything.

 

“Hi, hyung,” Jinyoung greets, sheepishly. He can practically feel Mark’s glare, halfway around the world.

 

“Jinyoung, why didn’t you call me until  _ twelve hours after your flight landed? _ I was afraid you’d gotten kidnapped or trampled or something,” Mark says, a hint of a whine leaking into his voice. Jinyoung shakes his head. 

 

“I can travel on my own. I’ve done it before,” Jinyoung says, sighing. He notices Jimin’s eyes on him, barely understanding Jinyoung’s fast English. 

 

Even though Jackson and Mark do speak Korean-- Jinyoung’s not sure why Mark does, but he knows that Jackson was just being extra in his studies and decided to learn for fun-- they usually take to speaking English together unless out in public where they don’t want everyone to just listen in. As a consequence. Jinyoung’s learned quite a bit of Mandarin, too, because of Mark and Jackson’s habit of throwing some in whenever they talk.

 

“Call Jackson, too. He’s worried,” Mark says.

 

“Why can’t you call him?” Jinyoung asks, switching to Korean for Jimin’s benefit. If Mark’s surprised, he doesn’t comment. 

 

“I’m at a shoot. Jackson’s at home, I think,” Mark says. “You better hope he hasn’t scheduled a flight there, otherwise he’ll find you and you won’t be able to get whatever business you’re taking care of done.”

 

Jinyoung sighs loudly and Jimin laughs at him, overhearing Mark’s words over the phone.

 

“Alright, fine,” Jinyoung says. 

 

“What are you doing in Seoul, anyways? Isn’t it kind of sudden?” Mark asks. Jinyoung shrugs, even though he knows Mark can’t see him.

 

“It’s something important. I can’t explain now, but maybe later?”

 

“Okay.” Jinyoung hears some shuffling and muffled voices. “I have to go now, but call Jackson!” Mark hangs up and Jinyoung huffs out a laugh, putting his head on the counter.

 

“You probably don’t want to put your face there since Yoongi and I just fucke--”

 

Jinyoung jerks back, horrified, and Jimin chuckles. “Kidding! You should’ve seen your face, hyung.”

 

Jinyoung glares at him, shooting Jackson a text that he made it to South Korea safely and is answered with a disturbing amount of emojis which Jinyoung deems unworthy of a response.

 

“Here you go, Jinyoung-hyung. This one is strawberry with some ice cream, this one is Nutella, and this one is both!” Jimin says, shoving a plate in Jinyoung’s direction. “Tell me which one you like the best.” Jinyoung hadn’t even noticed Jimin getting any of them ready, but he supposes that’s the work of a professional. Or just Jimin being sneaky.

 

Jinyoung takes a bite of each, feeling happier after every mouthful. “These are really good, Jiminnie,” Jinyoung says, licking his fork. “I think the combo is the best.” 

 

Jimin smiles, cleaning up his station a little bit. “Hmm, Jaebum-hyung said the same thing when he came in the other day,” Jimin says, freezing when he notices his slip up. “I mean--”

 

“It’s fine, Jiminnie. I’m going to see him after this, anyway. I should bring him something, actually. Can I have another?” 

 

Jinyoung leaves with a box of crepe and some croissants (“Just take them, Jinyoung. He’s not going to let up if you don’t.”) and a slight skip in his step. It was nice seeing Jimin and Yoongi since he hasn’t in so long. Jinyoung feels the skip start to deaden the closer he gets to Jaebum’s office building, only a few blocks from Yoongi and Jimin’s bakery. The dark edifice looms above him, towering into the sky and Jinyoung gulps, a shaky hand gripping the metal handle to let him inside.

 

“Hi, I’m here to see Im Jaebum?” Jinyoung says at the front desk, taking off his face mask and sunglasses. He smiles brightly. The receptionist gives him an unamused look and glances at what he assumes is Jaebum’s schedule.

 

“Do you have an appointment?” She asks, a fake smile plastered to her face. 

 

Jinyoung shakes his head. “Nope, but if you call him, he’ll let me up,” Jinyoung says, confidently. The receptionist’s face is written with skeptical nonbelief. 

 

“I’m sure...” she looks at him expectantly.

 

“Park Jinyoung,” Jinyoung supplies. She raises an eyebrow.

 

“Right. Jinyoung-ssi, you need an appointment. Jaebum-ssi is a very busy man,” she says, obviously trying to get Jinyoung to go away, so she can go back to playing Solitaire. 

 

“Can you call his assistant then? It’s kind of important,” Jinyoung sighs. She looks at him for a minute as if trying to find an excuse why she can’t, but Jinyoung knows that Jaebum doesn’t really use his assistant for much and has a soft spot for him, so Yugyeom gets free reign over whatever he wants, essentially. He hopes it’s still Yugyeom that’s his assistant, anyways. 

 

The receptionist sighs, picking up her phone when she realizes Jinyoung won’t relent. “Yugyeom-ssi? Someone named Park Jinyoung wants to...Oh, I see. Alright,” she gives him onceover as if reconsidering her opinion of him and Jinyoung plasters on a pleasant smile. 

 

“He says you know your way up? Jaebum-ssi is in a meeting, but Yugyeom-ssi says he’ll meet you. He’s on the seventeenth floor,” she says, buzzing Jinyoung up. Jinyoung nods, politely, and heads in.


	2. Supermarket Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaebum and Jinyoung meet again. Difficulties ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all. Just wanna say that you might need a box of tissues for this next chapter. Yugyeom is in this chapter though and so is Jaebum and Jinyoung's mom soooo yay
> 
> I know that cherry blossoms in the air year round is probably unrealistic but shhhh
> 
> (also if any of you know where the chapter title is from then...yeah)
> 
> !!! Also there's like a tiny mention of mild, non-graphic child abuse and it's like a blink and you'll miss it sort of thing. If that'll trigger you, please check out the end notes?

Looking around, the layout of the office floor  hasn’t changed much since the last time Jinyoung came and he finds himself relaxing in the familiar setting. He would occasionally go to visit Jaebum at work whenever he got done with class early or Jaebum was working late. Yugyeom was good company, too, so Jinyoung sometimes even went to just hang out with him, much to Jaebum’s amusement. The thought sours as Jinyoung thinks about the fond smile that always appeared on Jaebum’s face whenever Jinyoung came to visit him at work.

 

“Jinyoungie-hyung,” Yugyeom greets, hugging Jinyoung before Jinyoung can even hope to get away. Yugyeom uses too much force, making them trip into a fake potted plant near the elevator and they make a lot of noise as the plant gets knocked over and Jinyoung barely catches himself on the wall. 

 

Yugyeom isn’t as lucky, tangling himself in his long limbs and falling into the plant with a loud  _ thump  _ on the floor. Jinyoung bites back the urge to snicker and looks around to see if they’ve disturbed anyone else in the office. Either they’re all used to Yugyeom’s antics or too immersed in their work to notice because only a few heads turn to see what the ruckus is and quickly turn back when they see Yugyeom lying on the floor. 

 

“Are you okay?” Jinyoung asks, offering Yugyeom a hand. Yugyeom nods and takes the hand. 

 

“Yeah! Thanks, though. I didn’t mean to knock everything over. I haven’t seen you in a really long time, hyung. Like really, really long,” Yugyeom says, smiling. “Where’d you go? Jaebum-hyung is really secretive about all that stuff, so he never told us.” He’s still smiling, but there’s a hint of hurt that Jinyoung can hear.

 

_ Because he didn’t know _ , Jinyoung thinks, a flash of guilt going through him. 

 

When he’d left, all he’d been thinking about was getting away from Jaebum. He hadn’t really taken that much time to think about how his up and leaving so suddenly would affect the people he considered his friends. Thinking back, Jinyoung had never really bothered to text or call any of them, too busy with moving and settling, then he got caught up with his new schedule and work... If they didn’t keep up with mainstream media-- which Jinyoung hadn’t before he became a part of it, so he wouldn’t blame them-- it would’ve been radio silence from Jinyoung for  _ years _ . 

 

“I’m sorry,” Jinyoung says, softly. Yugyeom smiles, putting an arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders. 

 

“It’s alright, hyung. I’m sure you had your reasons,” he says, voice forgiving but expecting an explanation sometime in the future. Jinyoung can’t bring himself to promise him one, so he just smiles and nods. 

 

“So you wanna see Jaebum-hyung, yeah? He’s in a meeting, but he’ll be done in a little. I don’t think he’ll mind if you wait in his office,” Yugyeom says, leading him to the office. Jinyoung pauses, tracing a finger over the familiar metal plate that simply read ‘CEO Im Jaebum’ next to the door. 

 

“Ah,” Yugyeom says, checking his watch. Jinyoung is pulled out of his reverie, looking over to him. Yugyeom smiles apologetically. “Sorry, hyung. I’d stay if I could, but Jaebum-hyung actually wanted me to do some work today.”

 

Jinyoung laughs, waving him off and Yugyeom heads down the hall and out of sight. Jinyoung hesitates opening the door and loosely holds the handle. He can still back out, go back to America, call off he and Youngjae’s engagement… 

 

No, he can’t do that to poor Youngjae. It’s not fair to let Jaebum rule over his life after he’s been apart from it so long. With a new determination, Jinyoung flings the office door open, glancing over the space. This, like the other parts of the office building Jinyoung’s seen, hasn’t changed much at all though there wasn’t much to change. 

 

It’s a plain, clean office with a dark, wooden desk taking up most of the space. Jaebum has the same desktop computer that Jinyoung watched him work at, hunched over, more than a few times and a couple picture frames on his desk. The pictures, too-- the pictures haven’t changed, making Jinyoung gasp in surprise. He shuts the door carefully, unlike how he’d opened it, and walks to pick up one of the frames, putting down his box of pastries. 

 

The picture itself isn’t all that odd. It’s a picture of a small cat, poking her head out of a box. A hand is scratching under her chin and she looks content. Jinyoung sighs, remembering when the picture was taken. He and Jaebum had just moved into their new house and Nora was hiding in one of their boxes. It’s less the picture and more the significance of when it was taken that gets to Jinyoung. 

 

He glances to the other picture and jerks back, shocked. This one is less subtly significant and more why-the-fuck-would-you-put-this-in-your-office-where-you-meet-with-important-conservative-possibly-homophobic-people. Jinyoung picks it up and chuckles, eyes crinkling. It’s from their wedding day and Jaebum just look so  _ happy _ there with Jinyoung, hugging him from behind and pressing their faces together.  

 

Jinyoung sets the picture down, taking off his backpack and sitting down at Jaebum’s office chair. He spins around trying to remember back to the last time he sat in that chair and it must’ve been something similar except instead of trying to get Jaebum to sign divorce papers, he was just trying to get Jaebum to stop working and grab some late dinner with him.

 

“Jaebum-ah, what’re you doing?” Jinyoung sighs, spinning around the chair some more until he’s dizzy and he can’t tell if the chair is still moving or if it’s just him. He closes his eyes and leans back. The chair is comfortable, worn from the many hours Jaebum must spend in it. He could almost fall asleep--

 

“Jinyoung.”

 

Jinyoung’s eyes open instantly, jerking to the door. “Hello, Jaebum-ssi,” Jinyoung says, pleasantly. “We need to talk.”

 

Jaebum’s eyebrows raise. He looks tired, formally dressed in a suit and tie but rumpled like he’s been sitting in a meeting all day and fighting the urge to run his hands through his hair. That’s probably exactly what happened, honestly. 

 

“Alright, Park Jinyoung,” Jaebum says, easily. “First, can I have whatever’s in the box? I haven’t eaten all day.” Jaebum points at the pastry box Jinyoung brought. 

 

Jinyoung is taken aback but nods, pushing the box to Jaebum. Jaebum sits at one of the chairs he reserves for visitors and clients and Jinyoung remains in Jaebum’s chair as Jaebum quickly scarfs down the food. Jinyoung plays a game on his phone to pass the time and feels Jaebum’s eyes burning into his forehead. He looks up, meeting Jaebum’s smoldering gaze.

 

“You want to talk?” Jaebum asks, flicking the box into the trash. Jinyoung nods, pulling the stack of divorce papers from his bag. They’ve got colorful little stickies where Jaebum is supposed to sign, seemingly out of place on such a serious document.

 

“I assume these look familiar?” Jinyoung asks, pushing them to Jaebum with a pen taken from Jaebum’s desk. Jaebum stares at them blankly. 

 

“What about them?” Jaebum asks, playing dumb. Jinyoung sighs.

 

“Can you sign them? I marked spots this time, so it’s clear where I need your signature,” Jinyoung says. “I assume the last four times I sent them, you didn’t send them back because you didn’t know what to do with them.” There’s a bit of bite in his voice-- too much-- and he hates how condescending the words come out.

 

Jaebum picks up the pen and Jinyoung’s heart starts to kick up. After Jaebum signs these, it’s over. Jinyoung’s free. (Not so distantly, Jinyoung thinks about whether he would’ve made this trip without Youngjae’s proposal and how maybe he doesn’t want to be  _ free _ considering it’s been four and a half years.)

 

“I lost them,” Jaebum murmurs, vaguely, and Jinyoung rolls his eyes. 

 

“And I’m sure Yugyeom stole them from your mail the second time, huh,” Jinyoung says. Jaebum nods enthusiastically. 

 

“Yep. The third time, Nora ate them. It was very scary, Jinyoung-ah. I didn’t know you sent them a fourth time,” he says, smiling like he’s proud of his on the spot storytelling. Jinyoung stares at him, unamused. 

 

“Please, just-- sign them, Jaebum-ssi,” Jinyoung says, pushing the papers closer. Jaebum frowns, a little petulantly and Jinyoung has to swallow a laugh bubbling up in his throat because it doesn’t  _ feel  _ like he’s been apart from Jaebum for five years. It feels like he saw him yesterday and he’s trying to get Jaebum to finish one last contract so they can leave.

 

“Why should I sign them, Jirongie? Our marriage isn’t even recognized here,” Jaebum says, pouting for real this time. Jinyoung cringes at the nickname and presses the pen into Jaebum’s hand more insistently. 

 

“Well, it’s recognized in  _ my _ country, Jaebum-ssi, and-- and I’ve found someone else. I want to marry him,” Jinyoung says, finishing softly, unconsciously tracing the band around his ring finger. All trace of humor leaves Jaebum’s face and his eyes harden, flicking to Jinyoung’s hand briefly. 

 

“You can stop wasting your time. I’m not signing them,” Jaebum says, suddenly standing up. Jinyoung looks at him with wide eyes. 

 

“You can’t do that, Jaebum-ssi,” Jinyoung says, carefully. Jaebum ignores him, stacking up the papers and handing them back to Jinyoung.

 

“Yah, Park Jinyoung, you’re so noisy. And I can, actually. Remember? You promised ‘til death do us part’, okay, Jinyoung-ah?” Jaebum flashes Jinyoung a sickeningly sweet smile. “Thank you for making the trip. Now if you’ll excuse me.” He starts to leave and Jinyoung frowns.

 

“ _ Jaebum-ssi _ ,” Jinyoung tries, standing to grab Jaebum’s sleeve. 

 

“And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t call me, ‘Jaebum-ssi’. I don’t think it’s fitting to call your  _ husband _ so politely. Call me by my name,” Jaebum says, gently prying Jinyoung’s fingers from his sleeve and nodding his goodbye. Jinyoung sighs, slumping back in the chair as he’s left alone with his useless stack of papers and an irked heart.

 

***

 

Jinyoung leaves the papers there, along with a note. He figures that if anything, he should at least let Jaebum do what he wants with the papers instead of taking them with him. Jinyoung decides to wait it out and visit his mother in the meantime, stopping by his hotel room to grab a change of clothes before heading to the station. It’s about a six hour train ride from Seoul to Jinhae-gu where his mother lives, so he calls her first.

 

“Eomma,” Jinyoung says into the phone, looking around the train car to make sure he’s not disturbing anyone. Some people are staring at him, but he shrugs it off, chalking it up to the fact that he’s the only one talking in the quiet car. He glances up and scowls at Jaebum’s steely look in the ad above him. Guess he really is accepting those modelling roles like Jackson said.

 

“Jinyoungie?” She asks. “Ah, my son. It’s been so long since you’ve called me.”

 

Jinyoung smiles, putting the phone between his ear and shoulder and ignoring the ad right in his line of sight. “Sorry, eomma. I’ve been a little busy, but I’m coming to visit you today.”

 

She gasps and Jinyoung can practically see the smile on her face. It’s been a long time since Jinyoung’s visited his mother since he hasn’t been back to Korea since he left Jaebum. He calls her every couple weeks or so, but he knows that’s not enough.

 

“Really? What’s the occasion?” She asks, voice excited. Her voice is different from the last time they talked, but Jinyoung can’t quite place what it is. 

 

“I just felt like seeing you,” Jinyoung says, hoping she can hear the smile in his voice. 

 

“Oh, great. I’m so proud of you,” she says, uncharacteristically sweet. Jinyoung chuckles at the sudden attention and praise but revels in it. His mother isn’t a cold woman by any means, but she doesn’t offer praise easily. 

 

“Thanks, eomma. I love you. I’ll see you in a couple hours, okay?” 

 

“Love you,” she says, brightly.

 

Five and a half hours later, Jinyoung is stepping onto the hard cement of the train station with jelly legs. It’s been half a decade since he’s made this trip, sue him. He takes a deep breath of the fresh air and smiles at the familiar scents that wash over him. The slight smell of cherry blossoms is ever present, but Jinyoung thinks they smell stronger than usual though they’re not supposed to be in season yet. He wonders if his mother has gone walking through the cherry blossom trees at the park since he left and makes a mental note to take her. 

 

“Eomma?” Jinyoung calls into the house when he finally reaches it. There weren’t many people out and about, so Jinyoung was able to take a nice, calming walk down the street he grew up on, basking in the cool air. It really has been too long and he feels bad about leaving.

 

“Oh, Jinyoung-ah!” His mother practically topples them both over in her rush to hug him. He presses a kiss to her cheek and beams. 

 

“Hi, eomma. I brought some flowers,” Jinyoung says, offering the bouquet. He hadn’t wanted to crush them on the ride there, so he prayed one of the flower shops or marketplaces were still open and grabbed some of her favorites: tea roses. 

 

“They’re lovely,” she says. She looks past him as if expecting someone else to follow him in, cocking her head in confusion when Jinyoung shuts the door. 

 

“Hmm?” Jinyoung asks, when she nods to the door. She scrunches her nose slightly.

 

“Where’s Jaebum-ah? He comes to visit more often than you, but I haven’t seen him in awhile,” she says, looking at him expectantly. 

 

“Eomma,” Jinyoung sighs, ignoring her admission that Jaebum visits her without Jinyoung. His mother had long since accepted Jaebum as a part of the family and Jinyoung didn’t have any right to take her from him, even if they are no longer technically together.  “I told you five years ago that I was going to leave him. It’s not official because he’s not signing the papers, but I’ve been trying, you know. We-- I’m going to get married to someone else. My boyfriend, Choi Youngjae, you remember?” Jinyoung asks, peering at her. She frowns, walking into the house to the kitchen to transfer her flowers to a vase.

 

“Aish, I guess I forgot,” she says, shrugging. “I don’t think you should leave that boy. Jaebum’s been such a good addition to our family. He’s sacrificed so much for you.”

 

Jinyoung feels his eye twitch and he frowns. “I’m sure he has. Where is appa, by the way?” He asks to make a point. When Jinyoung had come out to his parents and introduced Jaebum, his mother had been overjoyed that Jinyoung had someone, but his father was...displeased to say the least. 

 

He wasn’t disappointed in Jinyoung for being gay; more like he was disappointed that Jinyoung would be selfish enough to ‘take away someone’s future like that’. Jinyoung hadn’t understood what he meant until his father asked Jaebum how much he could pay him, so he’d leave Jinyoung because  _ there’s no way someone like  _ him _ would want a guy like Jinyoung  _ and  _ Jaebum’s parents would be so disappointed.  _ It basically echoed as  _ You’re not good enough for him _ in Jinyoung’s ears. Jaebum had said no and Jinyoung’s father essentially threw a fit and left though with more cursing and throwing of things than the term might imply. It was backwards and strange, but it hurt nonetheless.

 

Jinyoung absentmindedly rubs the small scar on his wrist where his father had thrown a vase at  him. He never saw his father after that, but apparently, he contacted his mother every once in a while to check up on her. Not Jinyoung, though. Never Jinyoung. 

 

“Your father is a very stubborn man,” his mom says, shaking her head. “Jaebum-ah is one of the good ones, Jinyoungie. I’m just saying that you should give it a chance, whatever it was that drove you away from him.”

 

Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “Youngjae is a good one, too. You haven’t met him, eomma. I’m not getting back with Jaebum. Maybe dad will come back, then,” Jinyoung tacks on, somewhat desperately.

 

His mom shrugs, face carefully blank. “I suppose that’s your choice. It would make me happy to see both my boys in the same room before I died.” Jinyoung has the distinct feeling she’s not talking about his father. 

 

“Anyways, I made your favorite,” his mom says, plastering on a smile, but Jinyoung can tell she’s still a little upset. Jinyoung registers the scent of the spicy tofu stew and his mouth waters. LA is one of the Asian capitals of America, but none of their (many) Korean restaurants could ever come close to comparing with his mother’s jiggae. Jinyoung can only think of one other person whose soup he’s tried that could even come close to her cooking, but he wasn’t really an option in America considering that  _ he  _ was back in South Korea and Jinyoung swore off seeing him again. 

 

“Thanks, eomma,” Jinyoung beams, serving himself immediately. He practically moans at the taste, the delicious flavor bursting over his tongue. “This is delicious.”

 

She grins, taking a bite herself and they talk about small things since she’s actually quite up to date on Jinyoung’s life and he hers. He shows her some lines from the script he’s been given by Kim Taehyung and she whistles.

 

“Sounds like a real heartbreaker, right there,” she says, smiling sadly. Jinyoung nods, reading over the lines. It’s the part where his character-- Minjae-- is supposed to leave his hometown for ‘bigger’ things, but he can’t tell if he’s doing the right thing, taking one last walk through a field of forget-me-nots to ask his dead father for guidance. Jinyoung’s looking forward to shooting this scene because of how emotionally charged it’ll be. He’s always loved those moments where the acting might bring the audience to tears or make them  _ feel _ . 

 

“I like it, though. Taehyung-ssi seems like he’ll be a fun person to work with,” Jinyoung says, carrying his dish to the sink. They wash the dishes side by side and Jinyoung yawns.

 

“I think I’m going to head to bed, now. Don’t stay up too late,” Jinyoung says, kissing his mother on the cheek. She smiles, waving him off and Jinyoung walks up the stairs to his childhood bedroom. He sighs, breathing in the slightly dusty air of the room. Every bit, from the color of the walls the to the way he stacked his books on the bedside table, is the same as he remembered. Unbidden, a memory of him and Jaebum trying to be quiet as they fucked slowly in his childhood bedroom comes to him and he blushes even though he’s alone. 

 

Just being home has brought him too many reminders of Jaebum, too many  _ happy  _ memories. He doesn’t understand why since he  _ wants _ the divorce (he  _ does _ ). He chalks it up to being back in a country that Jinyoung considers Jaebum’s domain. His face is plastered everywhere he looks and there are constant indications of his existence. In America, that doesn’t happen nearly so often, so Jinyoung decides that it’s to be expected that Jaebum is more at the forefront of his brain.

 

Jinyoung doesn’t remember falling asleep and feels like he’s barely slept for more than a couple minutes when his phone starts ringing loudly next to his ear. 

 

“Hello?” He asks sleepily, rubbing his eyes. 

 

“Jinyoungie?” Mark asks. He sounds concerned. “You said you were on business in Seoul, right? Are you trying to get a new job or something?”

 

Jinyoung frowns, a glance at the clock telling him that it’s about eight in the morning. “Why are you calling me so early?” 

 

“It’s not that early there, Jinyoung,” Mark sighs. “Now, why were you spotted outside Im Corp? I thought you hated Im Jaebum and now you want to work for him?”

 

Jinyoung groans. “What the hell gave you that idea? And how do you even know I went there?” He doesn’t deny it since Mark seems to already know that he went and it would just make Mark ask more questions.

 

“Some reporters caught wind of your arrival in Seoul, shockingly enough,” Mark says dryly. Jinyoung winces, thinking back to the sheer amount of people that awaited him at the airline gate. “Someone took some pictures of you going into the Im Corp building and coming out. I think you forgot to put your ‘disguise’ back on because it was pretty obvious it was you,” Mark laughs. 

 

Jinyoung ponders that for a second and mentally facepalms because he’d ridden the train without the facemask, too, if he forgot back at Jaebum’s building. That might’ve been why those people in the train were staring at him.

 

“Oh that...yeah I took them off when I went inside. I guess I forgot,” Jinyoung shrugs. “Aish, are there rumors floating around that I’m quitting acting and pursuing a desk job or something?” Jinyoung asks, chuckling to himself. A nine to five job working for Im Jaebum isn’t exactly top on the list of things he would go do if he were to stop acting, so he’s not sure why the media always has to blow things like this out of proportion.

 

“Yep. One of the press guys apparently got close enough to hear you talking to the receptionist. Said it really sounded like you were in need of a job,” Mark says. “So you’re not, right? That’s not the business you’re on in Korea?”

 

Jinyoung hums, getting out of bed and starting to walk around the room to open the curtains. It’s pretty outside and he finds that he missed the view right outside his window. “Of course I’m not. Why would I want to work with Im Jaebum?” 

 

Mark laughs with him but sounds a little uneasy still. 

 

“What is it, Mark?” Jinyoung asks, deciding to open the window completely. The sweet, faint smell of cherry blossoms fills his senses.

 

“Um, why  _ were _ you there, then? If not to apply for a job,” Mark asks, sounding like he’s cringing at the question. “You hate Jaebum, but you went to his main office building?” Jinyoung wrinkles his nose because his little visit hadn’t exactly gone  _ well _ . 

 

“I went to visit a friend,” Jinyoung decides to say. It’s not too far from the truth since he did want to see Yugyeom and Yugyeom is, or was, one of his best friends. (Jaebum, too. Jaebum has always been a friend, even since he stopped caring.)

 

“At work?” Mark asks, skeptically. 

 

Jinyoung laughs. “ _ Yes _ . That’s all it was. I wanted to see him before I took a train to Jinhae-gu. My mother lives here, so I wanted to visit her while I was in the country.”

 

Mark sighs and Jinyoung thinks it’s out of relief. Jinyoung’s never heard of any rumors freaking him out this much before and thinks about asking what Mark was really worried about. He decides against it since Mark seems to have stopped worrying about it for now.

 

“Alright. That’s good news, Jinyoung. Tell your mom hi for me,” Mark says. Jinyoung rolls his eyes. Mark and his mom had video chatted a couple times with Jinyoung and they’d taken to each other pretty quickly, but Jinyoung’s pretty sure his mother calls Mark while he’s alone sometimes to talk about Jinyoung when he’s not there. 

 

“Okay, hyung. I miss you. I’ll be back soon. I think the business might take a little longer than til tomorrow,” Jinyoung says. 

 

“Yeah, miss you too. Don’t stay away too long, Jinyoungie, or Jackson will move into your room,” Mark singsongs, hanging up.

 

Jinyoung blows out a breath and goes to check his texts, seeing more than a couple from his manager. He worries at his lip and presses ‘call’.

 

“Hi, Namjoon,” Jinyoung says, feigning innocence. He hears Namjoon sigh.

 

“You went to South Korea?” Namjoon asks, sounding tired. Jinyoung laughs nervously. 

 

“Um, yes? But I swear I’m not looking for another job,” Jinyoung says, quick to clarify. Namjoon makes a pleased sound and Jinyoung can hear him nodding, jostling his phone slightly. 

 

“Alright, cool. I’ll handle stuff back home, but why’d you go back to Korea? Thought you hated that place,” Namjoon says and Jinyoung can tell he’s not talking to Kim Namjoon the Manager anymore but his friend, Joonie.

 

“I don’t hate it,” Jinyoung says, putting Namjoon on speaker, so he can change into something more appropriate for going outside. He wants to take his mother to the cherry blossom park before he leaves for another who knows how long. “I just never had a reason to come back,” Jinyoung finishes, huffing slightly. 

 

“Doesn’t your mother still live there? Surely you’ve got some friends otherwise,” Namjoon says.

 

A small smile works its way onto Jinyoung’s face. “You know I don’t, Joon. I just have some stuff to take care of, but I’m visiting my mother right now,” Jinyoung says. 

 

“Okay. Well, I know better than anyone that you need a break. The convenience of the timing is...debatable, but I suppose it’s fine,” Namjoon says. “Have fun.”

 

Jinyoung hangs up, putting his phone in his pocket and sees his mother in the kitchen, making  some breakfast. 

 

“Hi, eomma,” Jinyoung greets, kissing her on the cheek. “Do you have any plans today?”

 

She smiles, shaking her head and offering a plate. “Nope. What do you want to do?”

 

“I was thinking we could take a walk through the park,” Jinyoung says, taking the plate from her and taking a bite of the food. He doesn’t notice her hesitation, immersed in his food.

 

“Do you want to?” She asks, peering at him curiously. 

 

“Thought it’d be nice,” Jinyoung says. “We don’t have to if you want to do something else.”

 

She shakes her head. “No, I don’t mind. Let’s go after we eat. You’re too skinny. I don’t see how that’s good for an acting career,” she says, pushing more food to Jinyoung’s plate. 

 

Jinyoung sighs, dramatically, and laughs when his mother shoves him. “You’re too pale,” he teases. She smacks him lightly.

 

“Yah, be respectful to your mother.”

 

After cleaning up, they set off to the park in warm coats and Jinyoung’s sunglasses since it is a bit sunny that day. 

 

“I haven’t been here in a long time,” his mother sighs when they arrive at the open area. It’s not really a park so much as an organized grove-field area where many little league teams might play some matches or couples might enjoy the scenery. Jinyoung smiles faintly, feeling a little happy that she hadn’t come without him. This park had always been  _ their _ place, growing up. 

 

They walk in silence, the faint smell of cherry blossoms in the air still despite the cherry blossom season not being for a couple more months. A couple of blossoms blow past them and Jinyoung stares at them in confusion. 

 

“Hey, eomma, look,” he says, pointing at the ground. She gasps in delight, a light flush appearing on her cheeks.

 

“They’re not supposed to bloom for another few months. I wonder where they came from,” she says, smiling faintly. Jinyoung cocks his head and takes her hand, pulling her along the lane, through the barren trees and to the end where, standing in all its glory, is a cherry blossom tree in full bloom.

 

“Eomma,” he breathes, dropping his mother’s hand to move closer. Jinyoung gazes at the pink flowers in awe. In all his years in Jinhae-gu, he never saw a tree blossom so completely before winter ended. “Eomma, look.”

 

He expects his mother to come closer and make some noise of acknowledgement, but when silence is all that answers him, he turns, blood freezing in his veins. His mother is splayed across the dirt, unconscious.

 

“Eomma?” Jinyoung asks, quickly moving to his mother’s prone form. “Are you okay?” He kneels down and shakes her gently but doesn’t get any response. 

 

“Shit shit shit,” Jinyoung curses under his breath, feeling for her pulse with shaky fingers. He counts to ten and he thinks his heart skips a beat when he finally can feel the faint pulse under his fingertips. 

 

“Alright, eomma. I’m calling an ambulance, okay? Hold on til then,” he says, ignoring the fact that his words are probably falling on deaf ears. He makes the call, stumbling over his words and struggling to breathe at the same time. Jinyoung forces himself to calm down or at least act calm since acting is all he’s good at. Apparently he can’t even take his mother out for a nice stroll. He doesn’t know what went wrong since she seemed relatively fine, but there had been something off. Maybe he should’ve pushed harder when it didn’t seem like she wanted to come along to see the park. 

 

When the EMTs finally arrive, Jinyoung is back to his relatively calm and collected demeanor despite still freaking out on the inside. They ask what happened and he gives a short summary of what went on before she collapsed. He doesn’t really remember much after that, only that he rode in the ambulance with his mother and held her hand the way there then was told to sit in the waiting area. A nurse comes to ask him to sign something and her eyes widen slightly when she hears his name, but other than that, no one comes to bother him. 

 

Jinyoung doesn’t cry, simply switching from pacing back and forth to sitting and restlessly bouncing his leg up and down, waiting for some news of his mother’s condition. At some point, he must’ve fallen asleep because the next thing Jinyoung knows, he’s jerking awake, a crick in his neck. Someone must’ve put a jacket over him while he slept because a thick, black overcoat lays on top of him, warm and soft. Jinyoung stares at it in confusion until he registers that someone is saying something to him.

 

“...and Yugy-- Oh, you’re awake.”

 

Jinyoung tilts his head up, jolting when he meets the dark brown eyes of Im Jaebum. He doesn’t look much like he usually does for work, dressed in gray sweatpants and a long-sleeved tee, almost unrecognizable. He’s holding two cups of coffee. Jinyoung realizes, with a jolt, that he isn’t seeing Im Jaebum-- business mogul, richest man in Korea-- standing before him, he’s seeing Jaebum-- some guy who sings in his free-time and loves his cat with all his heart (and loved Park Jinyoung once).

 

“What’re you doin ‘ere?” Jinyoung slurs, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He’s trying to pull himself together into a more presentable person, but the drag of sleep doesn’t want to leave him.

 

Jaebum hands Jinyoung one of the cups and rubs the back of his neck. Jinyoung thinks he can see a light blush on his cheeks. “Um, I got here about half an hour ago, flew here from Seoul,” Jaebum mumbles. Jinyoung quirks a brow, nodding at him to elaborate. 

 

“Right. After you left, your mother switched her emergency contact to me because we’re family and I’m closest since she doesn’t know where your da-- her husband is most of the time and her only son is halfway across the world.” Jinyoung winces at the slight bitterness in Jaebum’s words and leans back, putting an arm over his eyes to try to keep the word from turning on his head. His head hurts. 

 

“So they called you here?” Jinyoung asks, sitting back up. 

 

Jaebum nods, slowly. “Yep. They didn’t really tell me much other than that she passed out. I haven’t heard anything since I got here.”

 

“Awesome,” Jinyoung huffs, sitting back in his chair. He takes small sips of the coffee Jaebum gave him and ignores the way he can feel Jaebum’s eyes boring into his skull.

 

“Why don’t you sit down? You’re making me nervous,” Jinyoung mutters without looking up, jerking his head to the seat next to him. 

 

Jaebum seems to come deflate at that, slumping into the chair next to Jinyoung and taking his hand-- out of habit, it seems. Jinyoung glances down at their joined hands but can’t bring himself to ask Jaebum to let go. He looks wrecked, like this ordeal is affecting him more than it’s affecting Jinyoung. Maybe it is-- Jinyoung hasn’t been home for five years, but he doesn’t know what Jaebum and his mother have been up to. During their calls, Jinyoung rarely hears his mother mention anything about Jaebum. She’s not fond of talking about herself, usually mentioning a new flower that sprouted in her garden or a recipe the grocer sent her rather than if she was sick or if she visited a friend recently.

 

Jinyoung frowns, coming to the conclusion-- not for the first time-- that he’s a horrible son and really doesn’t deserve a mother so kind. She deserves a son like Jaebum who can provide for her and doesn’t move to practically the furthest country from her to escape his own problems. 

 

“You’re so good to her,” Jinyoung whispers, breaking the uneasy silence between them. Jaebum jerks towards him, shock lining his face.

 

“Huh?” He asks, face twisting in confusion as he registers Jinyoung’s words. “Why do you say that?”

 

“Well, I’m never home and obviously she likes you enough to put you as her emergency contact over her son,” Jinyoung sighs. “Even now, you’re here, trying to help me and her out when really you’d be better off without us.” He squeezes Jaebum’s hand to emphasize his point.

 

“What makes you say that?” Jaebum asks, sounding genuinely curious. Jinyoung probably shouldn’t answer-- he tells himself that he won’t answer-- but he’s in a generous mood, feeling wiped and, generally, just tired. 

 

“All I’ve done is cause trouble since the beginning. When I left, it was because of you, but if you’d had the sense to leave me first, like we both know you should’ve, then you wouldn’t be in this mess of a thing right now.” Jinyoung gestures at the waiting room around them. 

 

“Though I guess if you had, my mother wouldn’t have had anyone all these years because I assume you probably visited her sometimes, at least more than I did, and then she’d be all alone here,” Jinyoung says, laughing bitterly. 

 

“Why are you so good? Why can’t I be more like you? You’re cruel, Im Jaebum. Always trying to overshadow me and protect me and absolutely impossible to get rid of,” he says, suddenly, blushing when he realizes what he’s essentially admitting. Jaebum stares at him, waiting for him to finish, then clears his throat softly. 

 

“Jinyoung-ah, why are you spouting all this nonsense?” Jaebum asks, eyes sad. Jinyoung is trying to think of an excuse, but luckily, a doctor approaches them before he can.

 

“Park Jinyoung-ssi and, ah, Im Jaebum-ssi,” the doctor says, pausing on their joined hands. Jinyoung stands, letting go of Jaebum’s hand and shaking the doctors. 

 

“How’s my mother? Is she okay?” Jinyoung asks, crowding the doctor. The doctor grimaces, smiling sadly and Jinyoung’s thoughts turn to the worst. 

 

“She’s...stable, for the moment. See, Park-ssi, she’s been steadily getting worse ever since her first check up about a year ago. The cancer metastasized to her brain--”

 

“Cancer?” Jinyoung asks, quietly. The doctor’s eyes widen.

 

“She didn’t tell you?” Jinyoung shakes his head, feeling numb. “My apologies, then. I wasn’t aware. I’m afraid she doesn’t have long left, though. She did ask for you-- and Im-ssi. To be completely honest, it would be best to not see her with anger since, well…” The doctor trails off and Jinyoung’s heart plummets to his stomach. He feels Jaebum’s hand settle on the small of his back and Jinyoung takes a deep breath, trying to calm his swirling mind. 

 

“She’s going to die here, isn’t she,” Jinyoung says, not a question. He can barely taste the words coming out of his mouth, his brain disconnecting from his body, so he doesn’t have to feel whatever emotion is coursing through his body right now. 

 

The doctor doesn’t say it in so many words. “I’m sure you’ll want to see her. Come with me.”

 

Jinyoung’s been in a hospital enough times to count on one hand, never for himself except the day he was born. He hates that this sterile, white place will be the last thing his mother sees and barely holds back the urge to hit something. He settles for latching onto Jaebum’s hand, gripping hard without looking back at him. 

 

“I’ll leave you to...say your goodbyes,” the doctor says, bowing. Jinyoung nods, stony faced and walks into the room without hesitating. 

 

It’s warmer than he expected, the white walls and reflective floors not seeming as claustrophobic and instead welcoming as the late afternoon sun shines off them, creating a warm atmosphere. 

 

“Eomma,” Jinyoung says, approaching the bed where his mother is laying and hugging her gently. Somehow, she looks smaller and paler than she had been earlier and when she smiles, Jinyoung feels like his heart is breaking in a whole new way. 

 

“Ah, my Jinyoungie,” she says, voice weak. Jinyoung glances at the various machines she’s hooked up to and tries not to tear up at how slowly her heart is beating like it knows its on it’s last legs. 

 

“My Jaebummie is here, too,” she says, excitedly, a small smile appearing on her face at the sight of her son-in-law. “Come give me a hug.”

 

Jaebum complies, holding her softly, and Jinyoung can see the grief he’s feeling reflected on Jaebum’s face. It occurs to Jinyoung that this must be like Jaebum’s losing his mother a second time since mother died before he and Jinyoung started dating and Jinyoung’s mother practically adopted him when she met Jaebum.

 

“I’m so glad I get to see my boys in one room. Just like what I wanted, right, Jinyoung-ah?”

 

Jinyoung forces a smile, nodding. Standing next to Jaebum at her bedside, he pushes the simmering anger he feels at his mother for not telling him that her days were limited to the back of his mind, grasping both of her hands in his. They’re cold. 

 

“Yeah, eomma. Just like how you wanted. Are you happy?” Jinyoung asks, trying not to let his voice waver. He can pretend to be strong. While it’s not the most complicated role he’s ever tried playing, it’s the most difficult.

 

His mother nods, closing her eyes. “Very,” she sighs. 

 

Somewhere along the line, Jaebum steps away for a couple seconds to grab them both chairs because  _ Jinyoung-ah, you’ve been standing for two hours. Sit or else I’ll force you to.  _ Jinyoung’s not sure how long he’s supposed to have left with his mother and he can’t help but feel that even being here these last moments won’t make up for how long he’s been gone. If he was here, he could’ve helped her, gotten her treatment,  _ something _ but instead he was across the ocean, living the life, or so he convinced himself.

 

“Jinyoungie, you should go eat,” his mother urges, squeezing his hands gently. Jinyoung shakes his head.

 

“I want to stay with you,” he says, putting his head down on the mattress and rubbing circles into the back of her hands. She sighs, taking one of her hands and putting it into his hair.

 

“You’re going to have to take care of yourself after I’m gone. I’m not making it to the end of the night,” she says, stroking his hair gently. Jinyoung sniffs, looking up at her with stubborn eyes. 

 

“I will, but for right now, I don’t want to leave your side. I’ve been gone too long,” he says, cringing at the way his mother beams. All she really wanted is for him to visit her a couple times and now that he has, it’s almost too late.

 

“Aish, such a brick wall. Jaebum-ah, can you make him eat?” She asks and Jinyoung remembers that Jaebum is still in the room, watching them from a distance. Jinyoung turns in time to see Jaebum nod silently and walk out of the room. 

 

“Who’s calling who a brick wall?” Jinyoung mumbles. “You didn’t even tell me you were sick even though we video called every week.”

 

His mother sighs, breath rattling out of her chest like it took more effort to keep it in there than to let it go.

 

“I was going to tell you yesterday over the phone, but then you came home and I was so happy. I didn’t think I’d see you in person, again. It was too good to ruin,” she says, honestly. Jinyoung jerks back, stricken. He wants to yell at her, break something, cry, run out of the room, hug her close and never let her go. 

 

“I got it from you, I think,” is what Jinyoung settles on saying. She nods, reaching up to put her hand on his cheek. 

 

“You grew up so handsome,” she says, wistfully. “I wish your father could see you. He’d be proud.”

 

“Should I call appa? I’m sure he’d com--”

 

“No, he’s happy on his own. I just hope you’ll forgive him, someday. Your eomma’s had a good life, even without him.”  _ Even without you. _

 

Jinyoung doesn’t say anything, swallowing hard. 

 

“I think you’ll be just fine, Jinyoung-ah. You’ve been doing so well without me so far. I think I can let go,” she says, smiling with glittering eyes. Jinyoung shakes his head, dry eyed but panicking slightly.

 

“No, eomma. I can’t-- you can’t-- I still need you. Don’t think I ever didn’t,” Jinyoung says, hurriedly. She laughs, barely a rush of air in the silence of the hospital room. 

 

“Alright, alright, Jinyoung-ah. I know. You’ll always need me.” She goes quiet, a serene smile on her face, and Jinyoung thinks that’s all she’s going to say. He sighs, leaning in eagerly when he hears her start to speak again though it’s barely a whisper. 

 

“I want you to promise me that you won’t keep lying to yourself, though,” she says. Jinyoung furrows his eyebrows but nods. She sighs, contentedly. “Cremate me. I want a front row seat to the cherry blossoms blooming every year.”

 

“Of course,” Jinyoung says, laughing drily. It feels wrong to laugh at such a time, but his mother always did bring out the child in him.

 

She smiles, eyes glassy. “I’m so proud of you, my boy. Don’t forget that.”

 

“Eomma?” Jinyoung whispers, shakily as her eyes close. “Hey, eomma?”

 

Distantly, Jinyoung feels her grip tighten and the droning of the monitor signalling that a patient’s heart has stopped. He registers moving out of the way for the barrage of nurses and doctors that come rushing in. Arms wrap around him and his throat hurts. Someone’s screaming-- not someone.  _ He’s  _ screaming. Maybe that’s why his throat hurts. Someone is whispering in his ear, soft words that don’t have any meaning to Jinyoung, but they’re soothing and Jinyoung leans into them, unwilling to hold himself up any longer. He’d tried, he really had, and he’s successful for the most part. At the end, now, he falls apart.

 

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” he hears on repeat like a saving mantra and Jinyoung believes it, surrendering himself to the warmth. 

 

His head hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so Jinyoung's dad is kinda shitty and throws a vase at him and also says some mean things which I'm pretty sure counts as child abuse. That's about all.
> 
> *peeks out from behind bush* sorry >< Things must go down for them to come up again? Idk man. It'll get better, I swear! (hah right) This was the minor character death tag, if you were wondering, so no more waiting for it if you were on edge.
> 
> Pls leave a comment if you liked it (or hated it. That too) :D You can find me [here!](https://seamorered.tumblr.com/) I totally understand if you feel like yelling at me after this :,)


	3. The Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They (almost) talk. Mark and Jackson meet Jaebum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh sorry for the long wait?? Idk I don't really have a schedule but just a warning that the next update will probably be a little longer of a wait because wow exams suck. Also! Probably not going to just be four chapters. Maybe five or six? Anyways. I hope you like it :D

Jinyoung wakes up in his bed in his mother’s house, but everything feels wrong. There’s the sound of someone trying to quietly move around the kitchen and Jinyoung sits up. He spots some water on the bedside table and gulps it down greedily, feeling the pounding in his head start to subside. 

 

The time after someone dies is odd. Jinyoung can’t really put a word to it. It’s like you expect them to be around and they’re not and you feel shocked but deep down, you know you’re not shocked, you’re just in denial.

 

He doesn’t have that lapse of memory where he thinks his mother is still around, waiting for him in the kitchen with a smile and some breakfast. Jinyoung remembers with full clarity, his day in the hospital and the events. He’s not quite sure how he got home, but the pieces aren’t that hard to put together.

 

“Jaebum?” Jinyoung calls, walking into the kitchen. He decides not to use an honorific because any of them would feel wrong in his mouth. 

 

“JInyoung-ah,” Jaebum says, surprised. He raises the kettle in his hand. “I, um, I made tea.”

 

Jinyoung nods, accepting the cup when Jaebum fills one. He takes a cautious sip, humming when it doesn’t immediately scald his tongue. “You’ve gotten better at this,” Jinyoung comments, lightly. 

 

Jaebum was, interestingly enough, quite skilled in the kitchen when he could find the time. The only thing he could never quite do was make Jinyoung tea the way he liked it. Jinyoung is pleased to find that Jaebum’s figured out how to do one of the more simple tasks in the kitchen, his heart filling with a strange warmth. Strange but not unwelcome. 

 

“I’m glad. I wanted to have something nice for you when you woke up,” Jaebum says, mimicking his light tone. Jinyoung’s grateful for it. 

 

“What do you want to do today?” 

 

Before when Jaebum had time for him and when Jinyoung thought they could go against the world and win, Jinyoung would ask Jaebum that question a lot. Usually, Jaebum would say something simple like wanting to go to a new ramen place or an ice rink that opened up. Jinyoung would offer his input and they’d set off, ready for the day. 

 

As of right now, Jinyoung’s not quite sure where they stand as a married couple where one half wants a divorce and the other refuses to sign the papers. Tentatively, Jinyoung labels them as a little more than friends but also a little less. 

 

“I was thinking we could just stay home,” Jaebum says, casually. Jinyoung nods, brain barely brushing over the nonchalant use of the words ‘we’ and ‘home’. 

 

“I should probably...schedule some things, so that’s a good idea,” Jinyoung says, pulling out his phone. He silently thanks whatever high power there is that the press hadn’t caught wind of his mother’s death because he’s certain he wouldn’t be able to deal with that right now. His finger hesitates over the little dot next to Youngjae’s name that indicates that Youngjae had texted him. 

 

_ >> hey hyung! Are you coming home today?? _

_ >> I can pick you up from the airport if you want!! _

 

_ >> can I tell Joonie-hyung that I proposed? _

 

Jinyoung chuckles faintly, pressing his phone close to his chest as if trying to absorb the fresh presence only Choi Youngjae can bring from the screen.

 

“Something good happen?” Jaebum asks. Jinyoung’s face melts into a frown and Jaebum quickly backtracks. “I mean--! Um, you were smiling. I thought it was odd. I mean-- not odd. Nothing you do is odd. It was cute. You seemed happy.”

 

Jinyoung sighs, smoothing his face over. It’s difficult when he can suddenly remember every single time Jaebum rambled awkwardly and how Jinyoung used to just kiss the words from his mouth to make him stop. “My fiance texted me. He sounded excited.”

 

Jaebum hums, face darkening only the slightest bit and Jinyoung watches with curiosity. The Jaebum that Jinyoung knew didn’t have anger issues, per se, but he had a lot of undealt with shit that affected his mood from time to time. He rarely took it out on Jinyoung, if at all, but Jinyoung is surprised to see almost no trace of it in Jaebum’s face as he absorbs the news of Jinyoung’s fiance for the second time. 

 

“When are you going back?” Jaebum asks, changing the subject subtly. 

 

Jinyoung shoots him a look, but it’s no longer filled with venom as it might’ve been the day before. “Depends. When are you going to sign the papers?”

 

Jaebum presses his lips into a thin, unhappy line, clutching his cup of tea hard enough that Jinyoung’s afraid he’ll shatter it. 

 

“Jinyoung-ah, I don’t want to sign the papers. I  _ want  _ to be married to you,” Jaebum says, frowning. “You should know this and I know you don’t want me to sign them either, so I don’t get why you want to get remarried now. And we do have to do a few other things before you go back.”

 

Jinyoung waves a hand, turning away to dig around for where he’s pretty sure his mother keeps her liquor in the cabinet next to the kitchen area, grabbing the first thing he sees— vodka, nice. He didn’t know his mother drank this stuff but he’s glad for it now. Jinyoung feels the urge to drink himself silly instead of trying to do anything productive. “I don’t want to argue about this with you on the day after my mother’s died. We can do that tomorrow. I’m going back to bed. Wake me up later.” 

 

Jinyoung feels the slightest power trip when he can meet Jaebum’s slight sounds of protest with a hand. He knows he’s being selfish, taking up Jaebum’s time since he’s a busy man, but Jinyoung knows with certainty that Jaebum will be there to wake him up later. It’s kind of scary to have one of the richest, and therefore most powerful, people in the world at his back and Jinyoung briefly remembers how he felt years ago when they first got married-- like he could engulf the world in flames and Jaebum would be there to support the fuck out of him.

 

Sighing, Jinyoung swings the door to his room open, shutting it the next second when he presses it closed with his back and slides down it until he’s sitting on the floor, knees up to his chest. He opens the bottle— it’s easy since the bottle is half empty but that’s probably a good thing since he plans on finishing it. 

 

Jinyoung cringes at the smell, opting to just hold his breath and chug. It burns, but he feels nothing after he drinks the whole thing and he glares at the bottle. It’s not doing what it promised. Jinyoung stands to grab another bottle, veering into the wall when he does. Maybe the alcohol had worked.

 

He lays on the floor and stares at the ceiling. The warm buzz starting to go through his veins feels nice since all he’s felt since he woke up is cold. Jinyoung grabs his phone, knowing it’s a bad idea, and texts Namjoon that he’ll be gone longer than a few days. He wonders what else he can screw up since he’s already fucked over most of his life and contemplated opening his Twitter, but he’s not quite drunk enough for that. 

 

“Jackson-ah,” Jinyoung finally decides, smiling sloppily when Jackson picks up on the first ring. 

 

“Jinyoung? You sound drunk,” Jackson says. Jinyoung can hear Mark mutter something in the background and grins wider. 

 

“Hey put me on speaker. I wanna tell you something,” Jinyoung says, brightly. 

 

“Uh, okay. You’re on,” Jackson says, sounding hesitant. Jinyoung’s not sure why since he feels pretty much fine and sounds okay to his ears. 

 

“My mother died yesterday. She had cancer and I didn’t even know. Isn’t that funny?” Jinyoung asks. A giggle escaped his mouth. He always had been a bit of a happy drunk, but he’s not drunk, obviously. Just a lil tipsy.

 

He hears silence on the other line and pulls back his phone to make sure he hadn’t accidentally hung up. “Hello?”

 

“Oh, Jinyoungie. I’m sorry,” Mark says, sounding close to tears himself.

 

Jinyoung cocks his head to the side. “Why’re you sorry? You didn’t do anything wrong. If anyone did,  _ I  _ did because I’m a failure of a son who moved to America to escape his husband which was stupid because he doesn’t even want to leave me and he won’t sign the fucking papers,” Jinyoung says, close to a whine now. 

 

“I don’t get why since I just want to leave him alone. He should be grateful to me since I’m just going to hold him back. Besides, I don’t need him anymore,” Jinyoung singsongs, 

 

Again, he’s met with silence on the other end. Jinyoung’s getting a little tired of his friends being so quiet. “Guys, what’s wrong? You’re being so weird today.”

 

“Jinyoungie, your-- husband? What?” Jackson asks, sounding a little worried. Jinyoung giggles again. He’s not usually such a lightweight, but the vodka or the grief or the combination of the two makes him more high than anything. He just wants to escape for a little bit. 

 

“Mhm,” Jinyoung hums, staring longingly at the empty vodka bottle. Maybe Jaebum would bring him another one.

 

“I’m not telling who though. It’s a secret,” Jinyoung goes on after a minute of deliberation. “Anyway, I just wanted to tell you about my mom. I’m coming back a little later than I said.”

 

“Alright, Jinyoung. Thanks for telling us. Do you want us to come?” Mark asks. “You should have someone there with you for um….

 

Jinyoung laughs, probably too joyfully for the topic, but he’s past caring. “Pft. It’s okay, Mark-hyung! Jaebummie-hyung is here. Oh wait I probably shouldn’t have told you that. Doesn’t matter now, I guess, but he’s here so I’ll be fine. I’m gonna go now—”

 

“Wait, Jinyoung, who’s Jaebummie—“

 

“Talk to you later,” Jinyoung says, hanging up to the sounds of Jackson and Mark’s confusion. 

 

He’s sleepy now that he’s talked to pretty much all his friends— he laughs at the fact that he talked to three people, kinda pathetic—, so he crawls off the floor slowly, tripping drunkenly into his bed. 

 

***

 

“Jinyoung-ah, you shouldn’t sleep all day. It’s not good for you,” Jinyoung hears. He groans, glancing at the clock and pulling the blanket back over his head. 

 

“Jaebum, stop it,” Jinyoung whines. His head is pounding and he can’t tell which direction is which so he sticks his hand out of the blanket and flips off the general direction of Jaebum’s voice. He hears a sigh and Jinyoung is being lifted up by strong arms. 

 

“What the—” Jinyoung yelps, flailing in Jaebum’s arms and looping his arms around Jaebum’s neck. Jaebum grunts, adjusting his grip slightly. 

 

“You’re so light, how the fuck,” Jaebum mumbles, letting Jinyoung’s blanket drag behind them as Jaebum carries Jinyoung to the living room. There’s too much sunlight and Jinyoung buries his face in Jaebum’s chest, momentarily forgetting what they are— or aren’t— to each other. He seems to be doing a lot of that lately. Jaebum gently sets Jinyoung down on the couch. 

 

“Sit there and don’t move. I really hope you didn’t drink that whole—“

 

“I did,” Jinyoung interrupts. “I don’t need anything. Just let me lay here and sleep it off.”

 

Jaebum sighs, “You know I can’t do that.” Jinyoung mumbles something unintelligible and Jaebum walks away, coming back with a cup of water and some pills.

 

“You’re such a lightweight,” he says, flicking Jinyoung in the shoulder. Jinyoung pouts but downs the water and pills. 

 

“Thanks,” Jinyoung says. Jaebum nods, lifting up his legs and sitting down, putting Jinyoung’s feet in his lap. 

 

“You know,” Jaebum starts after a couple minutes, “you’re allowed to cry.”

 

“Haven’t felt the urge,” Jinyoung says, simply. 

 

Jaebum frowns. “I mean you don’t have to pretend around me. It’s okay to say you’re upset, to act upset.”

 

“I’m an actor, Jaebum. All I’ve ever been good at, you know? What good are my skills if I can’t apply them to my daily life,” Jinyoung sighs, smiling lopsidedly. He lets it slip off his face the next moment and he shrugs. “I’m fine, hyung.”

 

At that, Jaebum frowns harder but doesn’t say anything more about it. Instead, he says, “We should plan your mother’s funeral, then, if you’re fine. Before you leave to America,” and maybe Jinyoung had been asking for the cold undertone in Jaebum’s voice, but it still hurts. This is what he wants, he tries to convince himself. If he can break Jaebum’s resolve, Jaebum will be rid of him. 

 

(He tries not to think about how he won’t be able to monopolize Jaebum’s time after that, how he probably won’t ever be able to talk to Jaebum again because he  _ is _ a busy man. No time for Jinyoung.)

 

(It wouldn’t have been the first time.)

 

(He’s okay with it. He  _ is. _ )

 

“I agree,” Jinyoung says, easily though it really grates on his tongue to say. “She wants to be cremated, so I can schedule that and fill out the paperwork, I guess. You’ll come with me to spread her ashes, right?” The faltering note in his voice as he asks is the only sign of weakness Jinyoung is willing to show. He bites back a relieved sigh when Jaebum nods without hesitating. 

 

“It takes about two days, so I’ll be staying at least until then,” Jinyoung says, not looking forward to the coming days. 

 

***

 

Unsurprisingly, it turns out that Jinyoung doesn’t really feel up to doing much during those two days of processing, despite still being adamant that he’s fine, so he mostly stays locked in his room, the only part of the house Jinyoung doesn’t directly associate with his mother. 

 

He doesn’t have another drunken meltdown— he can’t really remember much from that, but he’s not on the news, so it couldn’t have been that bad—, but he almost breaks down in the middle of the kitchen when Jaebum heats up some leftovers and it’s the jiggae from the night Jinyoung arrived. He doesn’t eat that night, excusing himself and practically running from the table. 

  
  


“Jinyoung-ah, let's go,” Jaebum says, knocking on his door. Interestingly enough, Jaebum has stayed around the whole time, only going out for groceries once when Jinyoung was sleeping and otherwise lounging on the couch. They’ve fallen into a comfortable rhythm in the past few days and Jinyoung remembers how before they started dating, they were best friends. 

 

It also seems that since Jinyoung is pretending like nothing’s wrong, Jaebum has decided to do the same, speaking to Jinyoung casually and never mentioning the divorce papers. 

 

Jinyoung sighs, walking out of his bedroom and dragging a coat over his shoulders. He’d decided that they would pick up his mother’s remains— god, it burns to think about it like that— and spread them today at the park. When they step outside, it’s dark and cloudy, fitting since his mother had always loved the rain and since his mood is shitty. 

 

It’s not quite raining but close to it when Jinyoung is filling in the shallow hole he’d dug near the base of the tree where his mother had collapsed and now laid. The tree is still blooming beautifully, a layer of pink blossoms dusting the ground. Already, a few have brushed over his mother’s “grave”. 

 

“You okay?” Jaebum asks after Jinyoung’s been staring at the tree for a while, watching as the wind carries a few of the flowers up into the air. Jinyoung nods stiffly and the weight of what he’s doing crashes down on him. All of the sadness and grief he’d been repressing suddenly feels more real and he feels a tear slip down his cheek. 

 

“I’m fine,” Jinyoung breathes, more for himself than Jaebum’s benefit. More tears start to run down Jinyoung’s cheeks but he ignores them in favor of watching the sky. He feels a warm arm settle over his shoulders and allows himself to be tugged into Jaebum’s body, solid against his shivering form. 

 

“You’re allowed to be sad, Nyoung,” Jaebum whispers into his hair and his walls cave, burying Jinyoung’s will to keep himself composed under it. He’s pretty sure he soaks Jaebum’s shirt through within the first few seconds, but Jaebum just makes soothing sounds, brushing his fingers through Jinyoung’s hair and paying no mind. 

 

It starts to rain and Jinyoung’s tears mingle with the water droplets, his sobs starting to subside like the downpour is washing away his grief. He doesn’t know how long they stand there, Jaebum holding him tight, but it’s dark enough to be actual nightfall by the time Jaebum convinces Jinyoung to go home. 

 

“Jinyoung-ah,” Jaebum says, rubbing small circles into Jinyoung’s back. “Let’s go home, yeah? You can sleep it off if you want. I’ll let you sleep in this time.” Jaebum’s always been really crap at comforting crying people. Jinyoung laughs wetly, used to it even after so long, and nods. It’s just what he needs now. 

 

They shuffle home, Jaebum’s arm locked around Jinyoung’s waist. By the time they get back, the rain is mostly stopped, but they’re both soaked, shivering from standing in it so long. 

 

“Take a hot shower, Jinyoung-ah,” Jaebum urges when Jinyoung stands in the doorway. He nods, mutely, and ignores the concerned look he knows is following him. 

 

The hot stream is a welcome respite from the frigid rain and he takes his time, scrubbing away his sorrows and watching them swirl down the drain. He’s red and raw when he steps out of the bathroom, toweling his hair dry. Jinyoung’s eyes are swollen when he looks in the mirror and, vaguely, he’s glad Jackson didn’t come, because he’d be horrified at Jinyoung’s state. He throws his towel on the bed, dressing quickly, and walks into the living room where Jaebum is waiting, slumped on the couch and staring into nothing.

 

“Jaebum-hyung,” Jinyoung says, interrupting the silence. Jaebum jolts upright, gazing at Jinyoung worriedly. “Can-- can you come sleep with me today? I don’t want to be alone,” he says because he knows that Jaebum won’t say no, because it might be his last chance, just  _ because. _

 

Jaebum is taken aback and Jinyoung hurries to take back his question before Jaebum stands up. “Of course I will, Jinyoung-ah,” he says and his voice cracks a little. Jaebum’s eyes are a little red, too, so he must’ve cried at some point, not that Jinyoung was in a state to remember. Jinyoung sighs, smiling weakly, and holds out his hand.

 

When they’re settled next to each other in bed, not touching but basking in each other’s presence, Jinyoung’s head quiets for the first time that day. He turns on his side, facing Jaebum and thinking about what Jaebum had said a couple of days ago, the morning after his mother died. 

 

_ I still want to be married to you.  _

 

It rings through Jinyoung’s brain as he thinks of all the reasons he originally wanted the divorce. At the present, none come except for Youngjae, and Jinyoung feels his mind start to run again. He turns back over, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. Suddenly, the room is too hot to breathe.

 

“You’re thinking too loud,” Jaebum mumbles, hooking an arm over Jinyoung’s waist and breaking the bubbles they’d unconsciously arranged themselves in. “C’mere.” Jinyoung is pulled so his back is against Jaebum’s chest and he stiffens. 

 

“Relax,” Jaebum whispers, brushing the back of his neck. “You’re going to be fine.  _ We’re  _ going to be fine.”

 

Jinyoung considers his words, weighing them in his mind and finding that he doesn’t mind the sound of them. “Okay,” he murmurs, allowing himself to relax into Jaebum’s hold. Slowly, his mind quiets and he drifts off into a dreamless sleep. 

 

***

 

Jinyoung feels well-rested for the first time in what feels like years and his chest is lighter than it’s been in the past days. He feels a warmth behind him and blushes at the sight of Jaebum, embarrassment coloring his cheeks. He hadn’t meant to appear so weak in front of Jaebum, but it just happened. There’s an undeniable comfort that Jinyoung feels with him. 

 

He just stares at Jaebum for a few moments, brushing his hair back from his cheek. It’s the first time he’s properly looked at Jaebum since coming back. He hasn’t changed much, the lines of his face growing only slightly deeper in the years past. Jaebum seems to smile less, but that’s probably due to the supposed workload he’s had. Jackson’s always been a bit of a fan of Jaebum’s, so regardless of if he meant to, Jinyoung sort of kept up with the happenings of Jaebum’s life. 

 

Jinyoung rakes his eyes across Jaebum’s face, wanting to memorize it, and pauses. There are tear tracks across his cheeks, like he’d been crying in his sleep. It hits Jinyoung, again, how horrible of a person he’s been lately. 

 

Jaebum’s mother had died years ago, but when he married Jinyoung, there’d been someone to fill her spot, if only slightly. Jinyoung’s mother had been like Jaebum’s own and Jinyoung knows they were closer than most might get with their in-laws. It must’ve been hard, pretending he was okay while living with someone like Jinyoung. Jaebum seems to have needed this closeness as much as Jinyoung had. He sighs, brushing a thumb over the dry spot on Jaebum’s cheek.

 

Jaebum blinks awake, then, and Jinyoung pulls his hand back. 

 

“Good morning,” Jinyoung says, throwing his legs off the side of the bed and standing. “We’re going back to Seoul today, so make sure to gather all of your stuff.”

 

Jinyoung looks around the room and wonders if he should take anything back to America with him because he should be going back no matter what. Even if Jaebum doesn’t sign, he’ll have to go to his first shoot with Kim Taehyung and he’s already been gone too long. 

 

Jinyoung grabs his phone, finding nothing he wants to take back with him, and checks his messages. Mark and Jackson hadn’t called him since Jinyoung drunkenly called them, probably to give him space, and Namjoon hasn’t had any new information for him other than telling him on Saturday that shooting starts Thursday, but they can postpone it if he’s not ready. Jinyoung hadn’t answered him, but he had started to sweat a little bit when he saw that it’s Tuesday.

 

He curses as he realizes that he hasn’t texted Youngjae since Youngjae asked if it was okay to tell Namjoon they were getting married. Youngjae had texted a couple times, but he’s not really big on texting usually. Jinyoung bites his lip, hitting ‘call’ next to Youngjae’s contact. 

 

“Hello? Youngjae-ah?” Jinyoung asks when the phone stops ringing. 

 

“Hi, hyung. What’s up?” Youngjae asks cheerily. Jinyoung winces, looking back at Jaebum who’s still trying to wake up, and pads out of the bedroom, leaning over the kitchen counter. 

 

“Um...not much, I guess,” Jinyoung says, wondering what he’s doing. He hadn’t told Youngjae that his mother died and he’s pretty sure no one would’ve told him since they’d expect him to know, but it doesn’t feel right to tell him now. 

 

“Aww, hyung, are you off vacationing while the rest of us are slaving away?” Youngjae asks. Jinyoung feels the barest hint of a smile work its way onto his mouth at how wrong Youngjae is. He hears someone speaking in the background and Youngjae talks to them.

 

“Who was that?” Jinyoung asks, curious. Youngjae makes a confused noise before realizing that Jinyoung must’ve heard the other person talking to him.

 

“Oh! I’m at a shoot right now and the makeup noona wanted me,” Youngjae says. Jinyoung nods to himself.

 

“I see. You should go. I just wanted to check up on you,” Jinyoung says.

 

“Alright, hyung. Thanks for calling. I love you!” Youngjae says. Jinyoung smiles.

 

“Yeah, you too. Bye.”

 

“You never used to call me at work,” Jinyoung hears and he spins around, clutching his chest as his heart attempts to leap out of it.

 

“Say something before you sneak up on people, jeez,” Jinyoung says, focusing on calming his heart rate. “And yes I did, but you were always busy.” There’s a slight bite to the words that Jinyoung can’t keep out of his voice and he sees Jaebum’s eyes soften.

 

“I’m--”

 

Jinyoung holds up a hand to cut Jaebum off. “It’s fine. I just-- let’s go. I’m getting antsy in this house,” Jinyoung says, seeing that Jaebum is already dressed. “I’m gonna change and we can leave.”

 

Jinyoung dresses quickly, throwing his backpack over a shoulder and giving his room one last sweep before shutting the door. He takes his jacket from where Jaebum must’ve put it in the dryer and folds it over an arm. 

 

“Are you going to sell it?” Jaebum asks when Jinyoung walks back into the kitchen. He’s holding a steaming cup of coffee and has one on the counter that Jinyoung assumes is for him. 

 

“Thanks,” he nods, taking a sip. “And sell what?”

 

Jaebum shrugs, making a vague gesture at the house. “This place. I know it’s your mother’s, but she left it to you in her will, so it’s yours now if you want it.” 

 

This is true. Jinyoung had gone through his mother’s will during the waiting period of processing and was surprised to see that she’d left pretty much everything to him except a couple thousand dollars and a car which were left to his father. Jinyoung supposed that his father must’ve heard about his mother’s death somehow because the money and the car were gone when Jinyoung checked. 

 

Figures that he wouldn’t stop in to see Jinyoung, but he supposes that that was to be expected. It doesn’t bother Jinyoung much anymore and he’s finding it easier than expected to obey his mother’s wishes and try to forgive his father. 

 

“I think you should keep it,” Jaebum says when Jinyoung’s been quiet too long. “There’s a lot of great memories here and you can always come back to visit.”  _ Your mother _ , was left unsaid and Jinyoung nods, finishing off his tea. 

 

“I’ll have something to come back to, I suppose,” Jinyoung says, ignoring the way the lines around Jaebum’s mouth tighten. “Yeah, I’ll keep it. Now, let’s go.”

 

***

 

“I hate Seoul,” Jinyoung says, his facemask and sunglasses back on since they touched back into the capital. It’s crowded with the midday rush and Jinyoung’s been almost pushed into the street a couple times, only held back by Jaebum’s arm around his waist. Jaebum smiles lightly beside him.

 

“It’s not that bad. You lived here for a while, so you must’ve like it a little bit,” Jaebum says, wincing when he seems to remember that Jinyoung had chosen to move away. Jinyoung hadn’t moved away from the  _ city _ , though, and while he lived here, he  _ had _ liked it. 

 

“There’s my hotel,” Jinyoung says, sighing when the building comes into view. Jaebum nods, following him into the building silently. He doesn’t question it when Jaebum follows him all the way into his room, watching Jinyoung pack the meager belongings he’d brought with him into his bag and neatly fold everything back into place.

 

The receptionist smiles at Jinyoung when they walk into the lobby and Jinyoung walks over to check out. She politely doesn’t stare at Jinyoung too much or Jaebum when she seems to recognize him. They walk out after thanking her and Jinyoung sighs.

 

“Can we stop by my place?” Jaebum asks. Jinyoung quirks an eyebrow, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. 

 

“Uh, sure. Why?” Jinyoung asks. 

 

Jaebum smiles, looking pained. “I want to see what you’re leaving me for if you’re going to make me sign those divorce forms, Jinyoung-ah,” Jaebum chides, laughing self-deprecatingly. “I’m coming back with you.”

 

Jinyoung stares at him a beat too long and nods. “I’ll, uh-- can I wait at Jimin’s place? You’ll probably be faster on your own,” Jinyoung says, pointing to Jimin’s bakery down the road. 

 

“Yeah. Don’t leave without me, again, Jinyoung-ah,” Jaebum says, smiling and Jinyoung feels a pang of guilt run through him, remembering the last time he left Korea. He had left in the middle of the night without telling anyone. He thinks back to how Jaebum hadn’t been home for three days except to barely slip into bed for an hour before leaving again. 

 

_ (“Jinyoung-ah, I’m only going to be working like this for a couple more weeks,” Jaebum said, brushing off Jinyoung’s attempt to keep him home.  _

 

_ “But you haven’t even talked to me for almost a week, hyung,” Jinyoung whined, holding tight to Jaebum’s blazer. Jaebum sighed. _

 

_ “Not everyone can be a carefree college student, Jinyoung. Some of us have work. I’ll be home soon.” _

 

_ “I’m working on it, though, Jaebum!” Jinyoung said, annoyed. Jaebum always said that he understood and that Jinyoung could have that college experience if he wanted it. It’s not like Jinyoung would ever have to work if he didn’t want to.  _

 

_ Jaebum shrugged, shaking Jinyoung off. “Right.” _

 

_ Jinyoung frowned at the door as it closed. Jaebum hadn’t come home that night, again, and Jinyoung ate dinner alone, stewing in his anger, so he didn’t have to be sad.) _

 

“Yeah, alright,” Jinyoung says, forcing a smile. “I’ll be waiting.” 

 

***

 

“Jimin-ah, I’m here,” Jinyoung calls when he walks into the bakery with his suitcase. Yoongi looks over, raising a hand in greeting. 

 

“Jimin’s busy with some people,” he says, nodding to Jimin talking animatedly with a couple of customers. “I’m not too busy, though. What’s up?”

 

Jinyoung shrugs, smiling. “I wanted to stop in before I left. I’m going back to America today.”

 

Yoongi nods. “You meet up with Jaebum?” Yoongi asks. 

 

“Yep. I’m actually waiting for him here. He’s coming back with me,” Jinyoung says, shrugging. “Says he wants to see what I’m leaving him for.”

 

Yoongi scrunches his nose, frowning slightly. “That’s a bit backwards. You guys are actually getting a divorce, though?”

 

Jinyoung chuckles, softly. “If Jaebum stops being so stubborn. I don’t get why he won’t just let us die. We burned out a long time ago.”

 

Yoongi shrugs. “He still has hope. I mean, I always thought you two were forever. Maybe he does, too. I’m pretty sure he’s still in love with you at in any case.”

 

Jinyoung scoffs. “I don’t know, hyung. Before I left...well, there’s a reason why I left, you know?”

 

Yoongi nods, perking up when the door rings, indicating that someone’s come into the shop. “Be right with you!” Yoongi yells before dropping his voice down, again. “I guess, Jinyoung. I’ll talk to you later, but say bye to Jimin, yeah? He’s missed you.”

 

It’s a couple more minutes before Jimin is freed up and Jinyoung busies himself by looking at the cake displays, still amazed by all the decorations and styles. He’s always wondered how Jimin seems to be so competent as a baker. 

 

“It’s pretty isn’t it?” Jimin asks, standing next to Jinyoung. Jinyoung nods, not looking up. The cake Jinyoung paused in front of is white at first glance, but there are little indents and swirls in the cake where a slightly reflective gloss seems to have emblazoned its design on the sides. It’s simple yet extravagant and Jinyoung likes the subtle beauty. It reminds him of Youngjae. 

 

“Did you make this?” Jinyoung asks. Jimin shakes his head. 

 

“Yoongi did. He’s quite talented, actually. I was kind of surprised at first.” Jinyoung nods because Yoongi doesn’t look like a person who’d be good at that type of stuff. The door rings and Jinyoung sees Jaebum standing in the doorway as if unsure if he should come in or stay out.

 

“Oh, Jaebum-hyung,” Jimin says, waving. He freezes when he realizes that Jinyoung is still standing next to him, but Jinyoung shrugs. 

 

“It’s fine, Jimin-ah. He’s here for me,” Jinyoung says. Jimin tilts his head in confusion, then elation starts to spread across his face.

 

“You’re getting ba--”

 

“No,” Jinyoung says, quick to shut Jimin down. Jimin pouts, crossing his arms. “I’m going back to L.A. today. That’s why I wanted to come here to say goodbye. He’s coming back because he’s agreed to sign the divorce forms.”

 

Jaebum shoots him a look and Jinyoung amends his statement. “He’s  _ kind of  _ agreed to sign the papers.”

 

“Aww, you’re already going back?” Jimin asks. “I’ll miss you. Don’t stay away too long this time.” 

 

Jinyoung nods, accepting Jimin’s hug when he wraps his arms around him, then nods his goodbye, Jaebum hot on his trails. 

 

“Call a car?” Jinyoung asks. He’s been on pretty good terms with Jaebum since his drunken meltdown. They haven’t talked about how Jinyoung broke down yesterday or the way Jaebum’s face had tears on it nor does Jinyoung ever plan on it, but the casualness between them is welcoming and comfortable. Jaebum nods, dialing Hakyeon’s number.

 

“Ah, Jinyoung-ssi, Jaebum-ssi. Good to see you together,” Hakyeon says after Jaebum and Jinyoung file into the car. 

 

“Hi, Hakyeon,” Jinyoung says. “Can you take us to the airport?” 

 

The airport is, thankfully, silent when they get there, not many people travelling on a weekday which bodes well for the flight home. True to Jinyoung’s thought, the plane is nearly half empty when he and Jaebum step on it. Jaebum frowns at the too close together seats. 

 

He’d offered to fly them back on his private plane, but Jinyoung hadn’t wanted to, so Jaebum stuck with him. They sit close, Jinyoung on the aisle and Jaebum near the window with a seat between them. If asked later, Jinyoung would deny gripping onto Jaebum’s hand for dear life when they took off and landed. (“How’d you even get here without me, Jinyoung-ah?” “....I had a book.”)

 

This time around, no one seemed to have caught word of Jinyoung or Jaebum being at the airport, so there was no crowd waiting at the gate, this time which Jinyoung was grateful for. They easily make it through LAX and find Jackson waiting for them at the passenger pick up. It’s good to see his friend, though it’s only been about a week. Jackson tackles him in a bear hug. 

 

“Hi, Jinyoungie,” Jackson beams, ruffling his hair. “Don’t ever leave us again, okay? We were so worried.”

 

Jinyoung laughs, pushing Jackson off of him. “Nice to see you, too. Now, don’t do that again, please,” Jinyoung says. Seven days in Korea and his English is already kind of shit. Jackson laughs with him before freezing in his spot, frowning slightly.  

 

“Who’s the dude?” Jackson asks, voice low, but not really because it’s Jackson. Jinyoung tilts his head in confusion, looking to where Jackson is not-so-subtly pointing and chuckles. Jaebum wore a black trench coat on top of his sunglasses and face mask, so he looks a little ridiculous and slightly sketchy in the amicable Los Angeles weather but not super recognizable. 

 

“Oh, huh,” Jinyoung says. “Jaebum, can you take off the get up? No one’s gonna recognize you. You’re only important in Korea,” Jinyoung mutters, switching to Korean since Jaebum never enjoyed practicing English with him. Probably something about taking work home with him. Jaebum rips off his mask, scowling at Jinyoung.

 

“I’m important  _ everywhere _ actually,” Jaebum snaps back quickly making Jinyoung laugh. “I have buildings literally over the entire globe.” They’re comfortable with each other after how much has gone down the past few days and Jinyoung hopes they can stay that way after all this is over with all the teasing and pushing that Jinyoung’s finding he can get away with. He used to be able to, of course, but now it feels different. 

 

“Is that…?” Jackson starts and Jinyoung remembers that Jackson is still a bit lost. Jaebum is glaring at Jackson, now, as if sizing him up and Jinyoung hides his smile behind his hand. 

 

“Yah, be polite,” Jinyoung chides, smacking his arm. Jaebum sighs, rolling his eyes before looking back at Jackson. 

 

“Im Jaebum. Nice to meet you,” Jaebum says in Korean. He smiles winningly and Jinyoung can practically see Jackson melting all over the parking lot. 

 

“ _ Im Jaebum?  _ Jinyoungie, really?” Jackson asks excitedly. Jaebum raises an eyebrow and glances at Jinyoung. 

 

“Who is this guy?” Jaebum asks, pointing to Jackson.

 

Jackson chuckles. “I speak Korean, you know?” Jackson says, startling Jaebum. “I’m Jinyoung’s...roommate’s boyfriend. And also kind of his roommate. And his friend,” Jackson babbles, seeming too focused on the fact that Im Jaebum is standing in front of him. 

 

“He’s my friend,” Jinyoung says simply, pushing Jackson into the driver’s seat. “Let’s go, now. I’m hungry.”

 

Jinyoung piles both of their bags into the trunk, telling Jaebum to get into the passenger seat and buckling himself into the back. Jaebum looks at him, betrayed, and Jinyoung flashes him a thumbs up, Jackson starting to go on about how awesome Jaebum is. On the ride home, Jaebum seems to warm up to Jackson’s bright personality, even laughing with him a couple times. Jinyoung doesn’t listen to closely to their conversation, texting Youngjae and Namjoon that he’s back in town. 

 

“Thought you said I was only a big deal in Korea,” Jaebum whispers in Jinyoung’s ear when they get to the apartment building. Jinyoung pushes him away, flipping him off. 

 

“Jinyoungie!” Mark shouts, waiting outside their door when Jackson, Jinyoung and Jaebum arrive. “It’s nice to see you. How are you?”

 

Jinyoung smiles. “All good, hyung.” Mark raises an eyebrow, concern filling his face, but Jinyoung punches him lightly in the arm. 

 

“I’m fine, hyung. Gotten closure and all that jazz,” Jinyoung says, dragging his suitcase into the house. Jaebum follows behind, looking around the space in wonder.

 

“This is where you live?” He asks, no judgement in his voice. It’s not super impressive, but it’s not like Mark and Jinyoung are broke college students, struggling to make rent. The place is pretty nice and well-furnished if also well lived in. 

 

“Yep, this is our place,” Jinyoung says, hooking an arm around Mark’s shoulders. 

 

“You have a roommate?” Jaebum asks, wandering further into the apartment. He freezes, tensing up in the middle of the walkway and spins around to face Jinyoung. “Wait, that’s not Youngjae, is it?” He asks, not-so-subtly shooting daggers at Mark. Jinyoung huffs, wondering where Jaebum was when Jackson was introducing himself. 

 

“You don’t keep up with my social media, do you?” Jaebum shakes his head, raising an eyebrow like,  _ Am I expected to?  _ Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “ _ Yes. _ Practically everyone knows I’ve got a roommate. This is Mark.”

 

Jaebum puts out a hand, smiling as he realizes this must be Jackson’s boyfriend. “NIce to meet you. My name is Im Jaebum.”

 

“Wow, Jinyoungie. You were gone for a week and now you’re bringing hot strangers back?” Mark asks, glancing at Jaebum. Jaebum blushes.

 

“Um--”

 

“No, Mark-hyung--”

 

“It’s okay, Jinyoung. Have fun with your boyfriend. I won’t tell Youngjae,” Mark winks. Jinyoung winces and Jaebum’s face darkens. 

 

“I’m not his boyfriend,” Jaebum says, softly. Mark raises an eyebrow and glances at Jinyoung. 

 

“Obviously. Jinyoungie, how’d you get Im Jaebum to come to America with you? Especially when you claimed to hate him before you left.” Jinyoung cringes at the wording. 

 

“I didn’t say I  _ hated _ him,” Jinyoung says, though he’s sure he probably used that word before. Jaebum stands next to him, stony-faced, and Jinyoung glances at him, worriedly. 

 

Mark’s eyes light up as he remembers something. “Hey, do you remember calling us when your were drunk?” Jinyoung nods, reddening. “You said ‘Jaebummie’ was there with you. Was that this Jaebum?”

 

Jaebum’s head whips to Jinyoung and Jinyoung ignores him, quirking a brow at Mark. “Um, yeah. I don’t really remember much of what I said so do remind me.”

 

Mark chuckles slightly. “Well, you also said you were married, but I’m pretty sure that’s BS.”

 

Jaebum’s eyes widen and he chokes on nothing. Jinyoung glares at him, patting him on the back. Jackson runs to grab him a glass of water and the two move out of the front room. Mark watches them leave. “What? Did he not know you were married? Or engaged, for that matter, since I know for a fact that you are. Maybe he is trying to get into your pants, Jinyoungie.”

 

Jinyoung laughs, weakly, rubbing the back of his neck. “...right. Um, about that--”

 

“Wait, you didn’t sleep with him, did you?” Mark asks, panic coloring his voice. “Because I’ll be on your side, but that’s fucked, Jinyoungie.”

 

Jinyoung chuckles because he  _ didn’t _ sleep with Jaebum-- at least not recently or in the way Mark is asking--, so at least that’s something he’s  _ not _ guilty of. 

 

“I didn’t sleep with him,” Jinyoung says, waving his hands. “Um, yeah, that’s not really--”

 

“Ooh, I wanna hear the juicy details. Come over here, so I can hear,” Jackson calls. Jinyoung sighs, walking to where Jackson and Jaebum are now sitting in the living room area. Jinyoung sits next to Jaebum, Jaebum’s body acting as a sort of barrier between he and Mark and Jackson. 

 

“Alright,” Mark says, sounding relieved. “You didn’t sleep with Jaebum?”

 

Jaebum’s eyes go wide again and his face is a little red as if trying to hold back a laugh while also being extremely embarrassed. “You didn’t sleep with me? Because I remember someone asking to—”

 

“You’re so not making this better,” Jinyoung mumbles, flicking him in the cheek. 

 

“Not trying to, babe,” Jaebum chirps, sitting back looking proud of himself. Times like this, Jinyoung can forget that Jaebum is actually a very successful businessman.

 

Mark and Jackson’s faces twist in confusion. “So you did sleep with him? Or you didn’t?” Jackson asks, looking between them. “Because that’s not cool, dude,” Jackson says, pointedly making eye contact with Jaebum and sizing him up. Jaebum raises an unimpressed eyebrow. 

 

“I didn’t cheat on Youngjae!” Jinyoung yells, interrupting Jaebum and Jackson’s staring match. “And I  _ am _ married, Mark. You’re so negative.”

 

Mark gapes and Jackson gasps dramatically. “Did you and Youngjae elope?”

 

Jinyoung bursts out laughing, putting his forehead on Jaebum’s shoulder for support. He can feel everyone’s eyes on him like he’s gone completely mad and maybe he has because it’s been a stressful couple of days, but now he’s trying to talk about something so trivial in comparison. It’s a little bit ridiculous, you gotta admit.

 

“No! I’m married to Jaebum,” Jinyoung says, forcing down the laughter bubbling in his throat. It’s completely silent, quiet enough to hear a pin drop. 

 

“Not funny, Jinyoungie,” Mark sighs, shaking his head. Jinyoung laughs again, nodding because it  _ is _ funny. At least a little bit. Man, he’s really gone a bit loopy.

 

“No, he is,” Jaebum says, speaking up. 

 

Jackson cocks his head to the side. “You went to visit Jaebum that first day in Seoul, didn’t you? Was he your  _ business _ that you were on?”

 

Jinyoung’s face twists. “Yeah, kind of. But not in the way I’m sure you’re thinking,” Jinyoung says, not liking the way Jackson had said ‘business’ like it was a dirty word. “I was trying to get him to sign the divorce papers.”

 

Mark and Jackson seem more confused then, both speaking at once, clambering for answers and Jaebum stands up, shrugging Jinyoung off his shoulder. “I’m going to take a nap. Where’s your room, Jinyoung-ah?”

 

Jinyoung purses his lips, pointing down the hall and Jaebum walks off. 

 

“Let me get this straight,” Mark says, holding up his hands after Jaebum’s gone. “You got married to Im Jaebum, moved to America, and now you’re engaged to Youngjae, so you need a divorce?” Jinyoung winces and nods. When he puts it like that, Jinyoung sounds like a sort of awful person. 

 

“Wow, Jinyoung. Who knew you were such a player?” Jackson whistles, laughing when Jinyoung hits him on the shoulder. 

 

“Hey, I’m getting a divorce! Jaebum says he wants to see what I’m leaving him for before he signs the papers,” Jinyoung says, voice souring. It doesn’t sound good any way you look at it. 

 

“So he doesn’t want the divorce?” Mark asks. “Aish, Jinyoung. You’re in such a mess.”

 

Jinyoung slumps back against the couch. “Yeah, I know.” 

 

“Anyway,” Mark says, changing the subject when it’s clear Jinyoung isn’t going to talk anymore on it. “You should get some rest. Big day Thursday with your first shoot and such.” 

 

Jinyoung nods, shuffling to his room with a yawn. The jet lag is starting to catch up with him and he just wants to collapse into bed. Briefly, he realizes that he and Jaebum never really talked about sleeping arrangements or if Jaebum was going to rent a hotel, but when Jinyoung sees Jaebum-- surprisingly fast asleep-- in his bed, he figures one more night of platonic sleeping together won’t hurt anybody. When Jinyoung settles into bed, careful not to jostle Jaebum too much-- he looks so tired and Jinyoung thinks it’s probably because of him-- Jaebum throws an arm around his waist, pulling him closer.

 

(Jinyoung pretends his heart doesn’t skip a beat, that it doesn’t feel _ right _ there in Jaebum’s arms.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> Not too often you get two proposals in a chapter, yeah? Well, that's going well, obviously...
> 
> So next chapter they meet again! What a thing. I told you it's going to be a ride so..... yep. I promise I'll explain more in the next chapters about what exactly happened!! I'm aiming for around four chapters? Something like that. It says it's undecided rn because I change my mind a lot lmao
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter. If you wanna come talk or rant @ me, hang out with me on [tumblr!](https://seamorered.tumblr.com/)  
> I'm also @SeamoreRed on Twitter if that's how you roll. 
> 
> Comments and kudos make my day! Til next time~


End file.
